The Marshall Mathers LP
Album - 22 maggio 2000 - Debaser id 16015

(Same announcer as the first Public Service
Announcement on the Slim Shady)
Announcer: This is ANOTHER public
service announcement brought to you in part by Slim Shady.
Eminem (whispered): tell em i don't give a fuck
Announcer: Slim Shady does not give a FUCK...what you think!
Eminem (whispered): tell em to suck it
Announcer: If you don't like it, you can suck his fucking cock!
Eminem (whispered): tell 'em they kissed my ass
Announcer: Little did you know, upon purchasing this album,
you have just kissed his ass!
Eminem (whispered): tell em i'm fed up
Announcer: Slim Shady is fed up with your shit...
and he's going to kill you!
Eminem (whispered): yeah
Announcer: uh...anything else?
Eminem: Yeah...SUE ME!

[Eminem]
When I was just a little baby boy,
my momma used to tell me these crazy things.
She used to tell me my daddy was an evil man,
she used to tell me he hated me.
But then I got a little bit older and I realized,
she was the crazy one.
But there was nothing I could do or say to try to change her,
cuz that's just the way she was.

They said I can't rap about being broke no more.
They aint say I can't rap about coke no more.
(AHHH!) Slut, you think I won't choke no whore
'till the vocal cords don't work in her throat no more?!
(AHHH!) These motherfuckers are thinking I'm playing
Thinking I'm saying this shit cuz I'm thinking it just to be saying it
(AHHH!) Put your hands down BITCH, I ain't gon' shoot you.
I'ma pull +YOU+ to this bullet, and put it through you
(AHHH!) Shut up slut, you're causing too much chaos
Just bend over and take it slut, okay Ma?
"Oh, now he's raping his own mother, abusing a whore,
snorting coke, and we gave him the Rolling Stone cover?"
You goddamn right BITCH, and now it's too late,
I'm triple platinum and tragedies happened in two states.
I invented violence, you vile venomous volatile bitches
vain Vicodin, vrinnn Vrinnn, VRINNN! {*chainsaw revs up*}
Texas Chainsaw, left his brains all
Dangling from his neck, while his head barely hangs on.
Blood, guts, guns, cuts.
Knives, lives, wives, nuns, sluts.

Chorus: Eminem

Bitch I'ma kill you! You don't wanna fuck with me.
Girls neither- you ain't nuttin but a slut to me
Bitch I'ma kill you! You ain't got the balls to beef.
We ain't gon' never stop beefing I don't squash the beef.
You better kill me? I'ma be another rapper dead
for popping off at the mouth with shit I shouldn'ta said.
But when they kill me - I'm bringing the world with me.
Bitches too! You ain't nutting but a girl to me.

..I said you don't, wanna fuck with Shady, ('cause why?)
'Cause Shady, will fucking kill you. (ah-haha)
I said you don't, wanna fuck with Shady, (wha?)
Cuz Shady, will fucking kill you

[Eminem]
Bitch I'ma kill you! Like a murder weapon, I'ma conceal you
in a closet with mildew, sheets, pillows and film you
Fuck with me, I been through hell, shut the hell up!
I'm trying to develop these pictures of the Devil to sell 'em
I ain't acid rap, but I rap on acid
Got a new blow-up doll and just had a strap-on added.
WHOOPS! Is that a subliminal hint? NO!
Just criminal intent to sodomize women again
Eminem offend? NO! Eminem'll assault.
And if you ever give in to him, you give him an impulse
to do it again, THEN, if he does it again
you'll probably end up jumping out of something up in the 10th
(Ahhhhhhhh!) Bitch I'ma kill you, I ain't done, this ain't the chorus.
I ain't even drugged you in the woods yet to paint the forest
A bloodstain is orange after you wash it three or four times
in the tub but that's normal ain't it, Norman?
Serial killer hiding murder material
in a cereal box on top of your stereo
Here we go again, we're out of our medicine,
out of our minds, and we want in yours, let us in.

Chorus

Or I'ma kill you! You don't wanna fuck with me.
Girls neither- you ain't nuttin but a slut to me
Bitch I'ma kill you! You ain't got the balls to beef.
We ain't gon' never stop beefing I don't squash the beef.
You better kill me? I'ma be another rapper dead
for popping off at the mouth with shit I shouldn'ta said.
But when they kill me - I'm bringing the world with me.
Bitches too! You ain't nutting but a girl to me.

..I said you don't, wanna fuck with Shady, ('cause why?)
'Cause Shady, will fucking kill you. (ah-haha)
I said you don't, wanna fuck with Shady, (wha?)
Cuz Shady, will fucking kill you

[Eminem]
Eh-heh, know why I say these things?
Cause ladies' screams keep creeping in Shady's dreams.
And the way things seem, I shouldn't have to pay these shrinks
these eighty G's a week to say the same things TWEECE!
TWICE? Whatever, I hate these things
Fuck shots! I hope the weed'll outweigh these drinks
Motherfuckers want me to come on their radio shows
just to argue with 'em cuz their ratings stink?
FUCK THAT! I'll choke radio announcer to bouncer,
from fat bitch to all seventy-thousand pounds of her.
From principal, to the student body, and counselor,
from in-school, to before school, to out of school.
I don't even believe in breathing, I'm leaving air in your lungs
just to hear you keep screaming for me to seep it.
OKAY, I'M READY TO GO PLAY
I GOT THE MACHETE FROM O.J.
I'M READY TO MAKE EVERYONE'S THROATS sag
You faggots keep egging me on 'till I have you at knifepoint,
then you beg
me to stop?
SHUT UP! Gimme your hands and feet!
I said SHUT UP when I'm talkin to you!
YOU HEAR ME? ANSWER ME!

Chorus: Eminem

Or I'ma kill you! You don't wanna fuck with me.
Girls neither- you ain't nuttin but a slut to me
Bitch I'ma kill you! You ain't got the balls to beef.
We ain't gon' never stop beefing I don't squash the beef.
You better kill me? I'ma be another rapper dead
for popping off at the mouth with shit I shouldn'ta said.
But when they kill me - I'm bringing the world with me.
Bitches too! You ain't nutting but a girl to me.

Bitch I'ma kill you! ..you don't, wanna fuck with Shady, ('cause why?)
'Cause Shady, will fucking kill you. (ah-haha)
I said you don't, wanna fuck with Shady, (wha?)
Cuz Shady, will fucking kill you

[Eminem] Hahaha, I'm just playing ladies. You know I love you.

[Chorus: Dido]

My tea's gone cold I'm wondering why I..
got out of bed at all
The morning rain clouds up my window..
and I can't see at all
And even if I could it'll all be gray,
but your picture on my wall
It reminds me, that it's not so bad,
it's not so bad..

[1st Chorus: volume gradually grows over raindrop background]
[2nd Chorus: full volume with beat right after "thunder" noise]

[Eminem as 'Stan']
Dear Slim, I wrote but you still ain't callin
I left my cell, my pager, and my home phone at the bottom
I sent two letters back in autumn, you must not-a got 'em
There probably was a problem at the post office or somethin
Sometimes I scribble addresses too sloppy when I jot 'em
but anyways; fuck it, what's been up? Man how's your daughter?
My girlfriend's pregnant too, I'm bout to be a father
If I have a daughter, guess what I'ma call her?
I'ma name her Bonnie
I read about your Uncle Ronnie too I'm sorry
I had a friend kill himself over some bitch who didn't want him
I know you probably hear this everyday, but I'm your biggest fan
I even got the underground shit that you did with Skam
I got a room full of your posters and your pictures man
I like the shit you did with Rawkus too, that shit was fat
Anyways, I hope you get this man, hit me back,
just to chat, truly yours, your biggest fan
This is Stan

[Chorus: Dido]

[Eminem as 'Stan']
Dear Slim, you still ain't called or wrote, I hope you have a chance
I ain't mad - I just think it's FUCKED UP you don't answer fans
If you didn't wanna talk to me outside your concert
you didn't have to, but you coulda signed an autograph for Matthew
That's my little brother man, he's only six years old
We waited in the blistering cold for you,
four hours and you just said, "No."
That's pretty shitty man - you're like his fuckin idol
He wants to be just like you man, he likes you more than I do
I ain't that mad though, I just don't like bein lied to
Remember when we met in Denver - you said if I'd write you
you would write back - see I'm just like you in a way
I never knew my father neither;
he used to always cheat on my mom and beat her
I can relate to what you're saying in your songs
so when I have a shitty day, I drift away and put 'em on
cause I don't really got shit else so that shit helps when I'm depressed
I even got a tattoo of your name across the chest
Sometimes I even cut myself to see how much it bleeds
It's like adrenaline, the pain is such a sudden rush for me
See everything you say is real, and I respect you cause you tell it
My girlfriend's jealous cause I talk about you 24/7
But she don't know you like I know you Slim, no one does
She don't know what it was like for people like us growin up
You gotta call me man, I'll be the biggest fan you'll ever lose
Sincerely yours, Stan -- P.S.
We should be together too

[Chorus: Dido]

[Eminem as 'Stan']
Dear Mister-I'm-Too-Good-To-Call-Or-Write-My-Fans,
this'll be the last package I ever send your ass
It's been six months and still no word - I don't deserve it?
I know you got my last two letters;
I wrote the addresses on 'em perfect
So this is my cassette I'm sending you, I hope you hear it
I'm in the car right now, I'm doing 90 on the freeway
Hey Slim, I drank a fifth of vodka, you dare me to drive?
You know the song by Phil Collins, "In the Air of the Night"
about that guy who coulda saved that other guy from drowning
but didn't, then Phil saw it all, then at a a show he found him?
That's kinda how this is, you coulda rescued me from drowning
Now it's too late - I'm on a 1000 downers now, I'm drowsy
and all I wanted was a lousy letter or a call
I hope you know I ripped +ALL+ of your pictures off the wall
I love you Slim, we coulda been together, think about it
You ruined it now, I hope you can't sleep and you dream about it
And when you dream I hope you can't sleep and you SCREAM about it
I hope your conscience EATS AT YOU and you can't BREATHE without me
See Slim; [*screaming*] Shut up bitch! I'm tryin to talk!
Hey Slim, that's my girlfriend screamin in the trunk
but I didn't slit her throat, I just tied her up, see I ain't like you
cause if she suffocates she'll suffer more, and then she'll die too
Well, gotta go, I'm almost at the bridge now
Oh shit, I forgot, how'm I supposed to send this shit out?
[*car tires squeal*] [*CRASH*]
.. [*brief silence*] .. [*LOUD splash*]

[Chorus: Dido]

[Eminem]
Dear Stan, I meant to write you sooner but I just been busy
You said your girlfriend's pregnant now, how far along is she?
Look, I'm really flattered you would call your daughter that
and here's an autograph for your brother,
I wrote it on the Starter cap
I'm sorry I didn't see you at the show, I musta missed you
Don't think I did that shit intentionally just to diss you
But what's this shit you said about you like to cut your wrists too?
I say that shit just clownin dogg,
c'mon - how fucked up is you?
You got some issues Stan, I think you need some counseling
to help your ass from bouncing off the walls when you get down some
And what's this shit about us meant to be together?
That type of shit'll make me not want us to meet each other
I really think you and your girlfriend need each other
or maybe you just need to treat her better
I hope you get to read this letter, I just hope it reaches you in time
before you hurt yourself, I think that you'll be doin just fine
if you relax a little, I'm glad I inspire you but Stan
why are you so mad? Try to understand, that I do want you as a fan
I just don't want you to do some crazy shit
I seen this one shit on the news a couple weeks ago that made me sick
Some dude was drunk and drove his car over a bridge
and had his girlfriend in the trunk, and she was pregnant with his kid
and in the car they found a tape, but they didn't say who it was to
Come to think about, his name was.. it was you
Damn!

[Paul]
Em, what's going on? It's Paul. Um, Dre gave me a copy of the new album. And I just... Fuck it.
[*click*]

I never knew I..
I never knew I..
Mic check one-two
I never knew I..
Who woulda knew?
I never knew I..
Who'da known?
I never knew I..
Fuck woulda thought?
I never knew I..
Motherfucker comes out
I never knew I..
and sells a couple of million records
I never knew I..
And these motherfuckers hit the ceiling
I never knew I..

[Eminem]
I don't do black music, I don't do white music
I make fight music, for high school kids
I put lives at risk when I drive like this {*tires screech*}
I put wives at risk with a knife like this (AHHH!!)
Shit, you probably think I'm in your tape deck now
I'm in the back seat of your truck, with duct tape stretched out
Ducked the fuck way down, waitin to straight jump out
put it over your mouth, and grab you by the face, what now?
Oh - you want me to watch my mouth, how?
Take my fuckin eyeballs out, and turn em around?
Look - I'll burn your fuckin house down, circle around
and hit the hydrant, so you can't put your burning furniture out
(Oh my God! Oh my God!) I'm sorry, there must be a mix-up
You want me to fix up lyrics while the President gets his dick sucked?
{*ewwww*} Fuck that, take drugs, rape sluts
Make fun of gay clubs, men who wear make-up
Get aware, wake up, get a sense of humor
Quit tryin to censor music, this is for your kid's amusement
(The kids!) But don't blame me when lil' Eric jumps off of the terrace
You shoulda been watchin him - apparently you ain't parents

Chorus: Eminem

Cause I never knew I, knew I would get this big
I never knew I, knew I'd effect this kid
I never knew I'd, get him to slit his wrist
I never knew I'd, get him to hit this bitch
I never knew I, knew I would get this big
I never knew I, knew I'd effect this kid
I never knew I'd, get him to slit his wrist
I never knew I'd, get him to hit this bitch

[Eminem]
So who's bringin the guns in this country? (Hmm?)
I couldn't sneak a plastic pellet gun through customs over in London
And last week, I seen a Schwarzaneggar movie
where he's shootin all sorts of these motherfuckers with a uzi
I sees three little kids, up in the front row,
screamin "Go," with their 17-year-old Uncle
I'm like, "Guidance - ain't they got the same moms and dads
who got mad when I asked if they liked violence?"
And told me that my tape taught 'em to swear
What about the make-up you allow your 12-year-old daughter to wear?
(Hmm?) So tell me that your son doesn't know any cuss words
when his bus driver's screamin at him, fuckin him up worse
("Go sit the fuck down, you little fuckin prick!")
And fuck was the first word I ever learned
up in the third grade, flippin the gym teacher the bird (Look!)
So read up, about how I used to get beat up
peed on, be on free lunch, and change school every 3 months
My life's like kinda what my wife's like (what?)
Fucked up after I beat her fuckin ass every night, Ike
So how much easier would life be
if 19 million motherfuckers grew to be just like me?

Chorus

[Eminem]
I never knew I.. knew I'd..
have a new house or a new car
A couple years ago I was more poorer than you are
I don't got that bad of a mouth, do I?
Fuck shit ass bitch cunt, shooby-de-doo-wop (what?)
Skibbedy-be-bop, a-Christopher Reeves
Sonny Bono, skis horses and hittin some trees (HEY!)
How many retards'll listen to me
and run up in the school shootin when they're pissed at a
teach-er, her, him, is it you is it them?
"Wasn't me, Slim Shady said to do it again!"
Damn! How much damage can you do with a pen?
Man I'm just as fucked up as you woulda been
if you woulda been, in my shoes, who woulda thought
Slim Shady would be somethin that you woulda bought
that woulda made you get a gun and shoot at a cop
I just said it - I ain't know if you'd do it or not

Chorus

[Eminem]
How the fuck was I supposed to know?

EM: Heey!
SB: Hey Em, what's up?
EM: Steve Berman, what's goin on man, How you doing?
Good to see you again! What up?
SB: Em, could you come in here and have a seat please um..
EM: Yeah
SB: Vanessa, shut the door
VN: Okay
EM: So what's up, how's orders looking for the second week?
SB: It would be better if you gave me nothing!
This album is less than nothing.
I can't sell this fuckin' record.
EM: Wha..
SB: Do you know what's happening to me out there?
EM: W..wha..what's the problem?
SB: Violet Brown told me to go fuck myself.
EM: Who's Violet...
SB: Tower Records told me to shove this record up my ass
Do you know what it feels like to be told to have a record shoved up your ass?
EM: Well ..I umm
SB: I'm going to loose my fucking job over this
Do you know why Dre's record was so sucessful? He's rapping about big
screen tv's, blunts, 40's and bitches. You're rapping about homosexuals
and vicodin... I can't sell this shit.
EM: Wha...
SB: Either change the record or it's not coming out!
EM: Wha..
SB: Now get the fuck out of my office!
EM: What am I suppo..
SB: Now!
EM: Alright man, whatever.....

Whatever..
Dre just let it run
Hey Yo turn the beat up a lil bit
Hey Yo.. this song is for anyone.. fuck it
Just shut up and listen, Hey Yo

[Verse 1]
I sit back with this pack of Zig Zags and this bag
Of this weed it gives me the shit needed to be
The most meanest MC on this (MC on this)... Earth
And since birth I've been cursed with this curse to just curse
And just blurt this berserk and bizarre shit that works
And it sells and it helps in itself to relieve
All this tension dispensin these sentences
Gettin this stress that's been eatin me recently off of this chest
And I rest again peacefully (peacefully)..
But at least have the decency in you
To leave me alone, when you freaks see me out
In the streets when I'm eatin or feedin my daughter
To not come and speak to me (speak to me)..
I don't know you and no,
I dont owe you a mo-therfuck-in thing
I'm not Mr. N*Sync, I'm not what your friends think
I'm not Mr. Friendly, I can be a prick
If you tempt me my tank is on empty (is on empty)..
No patience is in me and if you offend me
I'm liftin you 10 feet (liftin you 10 feet).. in the air
I don't care who was there and who saw me destroy you
Go call you a lawyer, file you a lawsuit
I'll smile in the courtroom and buy you a wardrobe
I'm tired of arguin'
I don't mean to be mean but that's all I can be is just me

[Chorus]
And I am, whatever you say I am
If I wasn't, then why would I say I am?
In the paper, the news everyday I am
Radio won't even play my jam
Cause I am, whatever you say I am
If I wasn't, then why would I say I am?
In the paper, the news everyday I am
I don't know, it's just the way I am

[Verse 2]
Sometimes I just feel like my father, I hate to be bothered
with all of this nonsense it's constant
And, "Oh, it's his lyrical content -
That song 'Guilty Conscience' has gotten such rotten responses"
And all of this controversy circles me
And it seems like the media immediately
Points a finger at me (finger at me)..
So I point one back at 'em, but not the index or pinky
Or the ring or the thumb, it's the one you put up
When you don't give a fuck, when you won't just put up
With the bullshit they pull, cause they full of shit too
When a dude's gettin bullied and shoots up his school
And they blame it on Marilyn (on Marilyn).. and the heroin
Where were the parents at? And look where it's at
Middle America, now it's a tragedy
Now it's so sad to see, an upper class ci-ty
Havin this happenin (this happenin)..
Then attack Eminem cause I rap this way (rap this way)..
But I'm glad cause they feed me the fuel that I need for the fire
To burn and it's burnin and I have returned

[Chorus]

[Verse 3]
I'm so sick and tired of bein admired
That I wish that I would just die or get fired
And dropped from my label and stop with the fables
I'm not gonna be able to top on "My Name Is"
And pigeon-holed into some pop-py sensation
To cop me rotation at rock'n'roll stations
And I just do not got the patience (got the patience)..
To deal with these cocky caucasians who think
I'm some wigger who just tries to be black cause I talk
With an accent, and grab on my balls, so they always keep askin
The same fuckin questions (fuckin questions)..
What school did I go to, what hood I grew up in
The why, the who what when, the where, and the how
'Til I'm grabbin my hair and I'm tearin it out
Cause they drivin me crazy (drivin me crazy).. I can't take it
I'm racin, I'm pacin, I stand and I sit
And I'm thankful for ev-ery fan that I get
But I can't take a SHIT, in the bathroom
Without someone standin by it
No I won't sign your autograph
You can call me an asshole but I'm glad

[Chorus]

May I have your attention please?
May I have your attention please?
Will the real Slim Shady please stand up?
I repeat, will the real Slim Shady please stand up?
We're gonna have a problem here..

Y'all act like you never seen a white person before
Jaws all on the floor like Pam, like Tommy just burst in the door
and started whoopin her ass worse than before
they first were divorce, throwin her over furniture (Ahh!)
It's the return of the... "Ah, wait, no way, you're kidding,
he didn't just say what I think he did, did he?"
And Dr. Dre said... nothing you idiots!
Dr. Dre's dead, he's locked in my basement! (Ha-ha!)
Feminist women love Eminem {*vocal turntable:
chigga chigga chigga*} „Slim Shady, I'm sick of him
Look at him, walkin around grabbin his you-know-what
Flippin the you-know-who,” „Yeah, but he's so cute though!”
Yeah, I probably got a couple of screws up in my head loose
But no worse, than what's goin on in your parents' bedrooms
Sometimes, I wanna get on TV and just let loose, but can't
but it's cool for Tom Green to hump a dead moose
"My bum is on your lips, my bum is on your lips”
And if I'm lucky, you might just give it a little kiss
And that's the message that we deliver to little kids
And expect them not to know what a woman's clitoris is
Of course they gonna know what intercourse is
By the time they hit fourth grade
They got the Discovery Channel don't they?
„We ain't nothing but mammals..” Well, some of us cannibals
who cut other people open like cantaloupes {*SLURP*}
But if we can hump dead animals and antelopes
then there's no reason that a man and another man can't elope
{*EWWW!*} But if you feel like I feel, I got the antidote
Women wave your pantyhose, sing the chorus and it goes

I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady
All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating
So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up,
please stand up, please stand up?
'Cause I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady
All you other Slim Shady's are just imitating
So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up, please stand up?

Will Smith don't gotta cuss in his raps to sell his records;
well I do, so fuck him and fuck you too!
You think I give a damn about a Grammy?
Half of you critics can't even stomach me, let alone stand me
"But Slim, what if you win, wouldn't it be weird?”
Why? So you guys could just lie to get me here?
So you can, sit me here next to Britney Spears?
Shit, Christina Aguilera better switch me chairs
so I can sit next to Carson Daly and Fred Durst
and hear 'em argue over who she gave head to first
You little bitch, put me on blast on MTV
"Yeah, he's cute, but I think he's married to Kim, hee-hee!”
I should download her audio on MP3
and show the whole world how you gave Eminem VD {*AHHH!*}
I'm sick of you little girl and boy groups, all you do is annoy me
so I have been sent here to destroy you {*bzzzt*}
And there's a million of us just like me
who cuss like me; who just don't give a fuck like me
who dress like me; walk, talk and act like me
and just might be the next best thing but not quite me!

I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady
All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating
So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up,
please stand up, please stand up?
'Cause I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady
All you other Slim Shady's are just imitating
So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up, please stand up?

I'm like a head trip to listen to, cause I'm only givin you
things you joke about with your friends inside your living room
The only difference is I got the balls to say it
in front of y'all and I don't gotta be false or sugarcoated at all
I just get on the mic and spit it
and whether you like to admit it {*ERR*} I just shit it
better than ninety percent of you rappers out can
Then you wonder how can kids eat up these albums like valiums
It's funny; cause at the rate I'm goin when I'm thirty
I'll be the only person in the nursin home flirting
Pinchin nurses asses when I'm jackin off with Jergens
And I'm jerkin but this whole bag of Viagra isn't working
And every single person is a Slim Shady lurkin
He could be workin at Burger King, spittin on your onion rings
{*HACH*} Or in the parkin lot, circling
Screaming "I don't give a fuck!”
with his windows down and his system up
So, will the real Shady please stand up?
And put one of those fingers on each hand up?
And be proud to be outta your mind and outta control
and one more time, loud as you can, how does it go?

I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady
All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating
So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up,
please stand up, please stand up?
'Cause I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady
All you other Slim Shady's are just imitating
So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up, please stand up?

I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady
All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating
So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up,
please stand up, please stand up?
'Cause I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady
All you other Slim Shady's are just imitating
So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up, please stand up?

Ha ha
Guess there's a Slim Shady in all of us
Fuck it, let's all stand up.

Chorus: Eminem (repeat 4X)

That's why they call me Slim Shady (I'm Back)
I'm Back (im back) im back

[Eminem]
I murder a rhyme one word at a time
You never, heard of a mind as perverted as mine
You better, get rid of that nine, it ain't gonna help
What good's it gonna do against a man that strangles himself?
I'm waitin for hell like hell shit I'm anxious as hell
Manson, you're safe in that cell, be thankful it's jail
I used to be my mommy's little angel at twelve
Thirteen I was puttin shells in a gauge on a shelf
I used to, get punked and bullied on my block
'til I cut a kitten's head off and stuck it in this kid's milkbox
{"Mom! MOM!"} I used to give a - fuck, now I could give a fuck less
What do I think of suc-cess? It sucks, too much press I'm stressed
Too much stares two breasts, too upset
It's just too much mess, I guess I must just blew up quick (yes)
Grew up quick (no) was raised right
Whatever you say is wrong, whatever I say is right
You think of my name now whenever you say, "Hi"
Became a commodity because I'm W-H-I-
-T-E, cuz MTV was so friendly to me
Can't wait 'til Kim sees me
Now is it worth it? Look at my life, how is it perfect?
Read my lips bitch, what, my mouth isn't workin?
You hear this finger? Oh it's upside down
Here, let me turn this motherfucker up right now

Chorus

[Eminem]
I take each individual degenerate's head and reach into it
just to see if he's influenced by me if he listens to music
And if he feeds into this shit he's an innocent victim
and becomes a puppet on the string of my tennis shoe
{*vocal scratches*} My name is Slim Shady
I been crazy way before radio didn't play me
The sensational {*vocal scratch "Back is the incredible!"*}
With Ken Kaniff, who just finds the men edible
It's Ken Kaniff on the, internet
Tryin to, lure your kids with him, into bed
It's a, sick world we live in these days
"Slim for Pete's sakes put down Christopher Reeve's legs!"
Geez, you guys are so sensitive
"Slim it's a touchy subject, try and just don't mention it"
Mind with no sense in it, fried to get schizophrenic
whose eyes get so squinted, I'm blind from smokin 'em
with my windows tinted, with nine limos rented
Doin lines of coke in 'em, with a bunch of guys hoppin out
all high and indo scented {*inhales, exhales*}
And that's where I get my name from, that's why they call me

Chorus

[Eminem]
I take seven [kids] from [Columbine], stand 'em all in line
Add an AK-47, a revolver, a nine
a Mack-11 and it oughta solve the problem of mine
and that's a whole school of bullies shot up all at one time
Cause (I'mmmm) Shady, they call me as crazy
as the world was over this whole Y2K thing
And by the way, N'Sync, why do they sing?
Am I the only one who realizes they stink?
Should I dye my hair pink and care what y'all think?
Lip sync and buy a bigger size of earrings?
It's why I tend to block out when I hear things
Cause all these fans screamin is makin my ears ring (AHHHH!!!)
So I just, throw up a middle finger and let it linger
longer than the rumor that I was stickin it to Christina
Cause if I ever stuck it to any singer in showbiz
it'd be Jennifer Lopez, and Puffy you know this!
I'm sorry Puff, but I don't give a fuck if this chick was my own mother
I still fuck her with no rubber and cum inside her
and have a son and a new brother at the same time
and just say that it ain't mine, what's my name?

Chorus

[Eminem {*vocal scratching*}]
Guess who's b-back, back
Gue-gue-guess who's back (Hi mom!)
{*scratch*} Guess who's back
{*scratch*} Gue {*scratch*} guess who's back
D-12 {*scratch*} Guess who's back
Gue, gue-gue-gue, guess who's back
Dr. Dre {*scratch*} Guess who's back
Back back {*scratch*} back
{*scratch*}
Slim Shady, 2001
I'm blew out from this blunt (*sighs*) fuck

[Eminem]
You know I just don't get it
Last year I was nobody
This year I'm sellin records
Now everybody wants to come around like I owe em somethin
What the fuck you want from me, ten million dollars
fuck out of here

Chorus One: Eminem

You see I'm, just Marshall Mathers (Marshall Mathers)
I'm just a regular guy,
I don't know why all the fuss about me (fuss about me)
Nobody ever gave a fuck before,
all they did was doubt me (did was doubt me)
Now everybody wanna run they mouth
and try to take shots at me (take shots at me)

[Eminem]
Yo, you might see me Joggin, you might see me walkin
You might see me walkin a dead rottweiler dog
with it's head chopped off in the park with a spiked collar
hollerin at him cause the son of a bitch won't quit barkin(grrrr, ARF ARF)
Or leanin out a window holdin a cocked shotgun
Drivin up the block in the car they shot 'Pac in
Lookin for Big's killers, dressed in ridiculous
blue and red like I don't see what the big deal is
Double barrel twelve gauge bigger than Chris Wallace
Pissed off, cause Biggie and 'Pac just missed all this
Watchin all these cheap imitations get rich off 'em
and get dollars that shoulda been thier's like they switched wallets
And amidst all this Crist' poppin and wristwatches
I had to sit back and just watch and just get nauseous
and walk around with an empty bottle of Remi Martin
startin shit like some 26-year-old skinny Cartman
I'm anti-Backstreet and Ricky Martin
The instinct to kill N'Sync, don't get me started
These fuckin brats can't sing and Britney's garbage
What's this bitch retarded? Gimme back my sixteen dollars
All I see is sissies in magazines smiling
Whatever happened to whylin out and bein violent?
Whatever happened to catchin a good-ol' fashioned
passionate ass-whoopin and gettin your shoes coat and your hat tooken?
New Kids on the Block, sucked a lot of dick
Boy and girl groups make me sick
And I can't wait 'til I catch all you faggots in public
I'ma love it.. (hahaha)
Vanilla Ice don't like me (uh-uh)
Said some shit in Vibe to spite me (yup)
Then went and dyed his hair just like me (hehe)
A bunch of little kids wanna swear just like me
and run around screamin, I don't care, just bite me (nah nah)
I think I was put here to annoy the world
and destroy your little 4-year-old boy or girl
Plus I was put here to put fear in faggots who spray Faygo Root Beer
and call themselves clowns cause they look queer
Faggot 2Dope and Silent Gay
Claimin Detroit, when y'all live twenty miles away
I;m not a wrestler, I'll knock you fuckin back and the fuck out
Ask 'em about the club they was at when they snuck out
after they ducked out the back when they saw us and punked out(AHHH!)
Ducked down and got paintballs shot at they truck, blaow!
Look at y'all runnin your mouth again
when you ain't seen a fuckin Mile Road, South of 10
And I don't need help, from D-12, to beat up two females
in make-up, who may try to scratch me with Lee Nails
Slim Anus, you damn right, Slim Anus
I don't get fucked in mine like you two little flaming faggots!

Chorus Two: Eminem

Cause I'm, just Marshall Mathers (Marshall Mathers)
I'm not a wrestler guy,
I'll knock you out if you talk about me (you talk about me)
Come and see me on the streets alone
if you assholes doubt me (assholes doubt me)
And if you wanna run your mouth
then come take your best shot at me (your best shot at me)

[Eminem]
Is it because you love me that y'all expect so much of me?
You little groupie bitch, get off me, go fuck Puffy
Now because of this blond mop that's on top
and this fucked up head that I've got, I've gone pop? (pop)
The underground just spunned around and did a 360
Now these kids diss me and act like some big sissies
Oh, he just did some shit with Missy,
so now he thinks he's too big to do some shit with MC Get-Bizzy
My fuckin bitch mom's suin for ten million
She must want a dollar for every pill I've been stealin
Shit, where the fuck you think I picked up the habit?
All I had to do was go in her room and lift up her mattress
Which is it bitch, Mrs. Briggs or Ms. Mathers?
It doesn't matter your attourney Fred Gibson's a faggot!
Talkin about I fabricated my past
He's just aggravated I won't ejaculate in his ass (Uhh!)
So tell me, what the hell is a fella to do?
For every million I make, another relative sues
Family fightin and fussin over who wants to invite me to supper
All the sudden, I got 90 Some cousins (Hey it's me!)
A half-brother and sister who never seen me
or even bothered to call me until they saw me on TV
Now everybody's so happy and proud
I'm finally allowed to step foot in my girlfriend's house (Hey!)
And then to top it off, I walked to the news stand
to buy this cheap-ass little magazine with a food stamp
Skipped to the last page, flipped right fast
and what do I see? A picture of my big white ass
Okay, let me give you motherfuckers some help:
uhh, here - DOUBLE XL, DOUBLE XL
Now your magazine shouldn't have so much troble to sell
Ahh fuck it, I'll even buy a couple myself

Chorus One (2X)

girl: yeah... whoooo...shit
hmmm, whoaaa, hmm ...
Guess what?
I ain't coming in yet, i'll come in in a minute
Aiyo, this is my love song. It goes like this....

Back when Mark Wahlberg was marky mark
This is how we used to make the party start
We used to...mix hen with bacardi dark
and when it... kicks in you can hardly talk
and by the... sixth gin you gon probly crawl
and you'll be... sick then and you'll probly barf
and my pre-...diction is that you gon probably fall
either somewhere in the lobby or the hallway wall
and every-... things spinnin your beginning to
think women are swimmin in
pink linen again in the sink
then in a couple of minutes that bottle of guinness is finished
you are now allowed to officially slap bitches
you have the right to remain violent and start wildin
start a fight with the same guy that was smart eye'n ya
get in the car and start it and start drivin
over the island and cause a 42 car pile up
Earth calling, pilot to co-pilot, looking for life on this
planet sir, no sign of it
All i could see is a bunch of smoke flyin and
I'm so high that I might die if i go by it.
Let me out of this place I'm outta place,
I'm in in outter space, I've just
vanished without a trace.
I'm going to a pretty place now where the flowers grow,
I'll be back in an hour or so.

Cuz every time I go to try to leave (whoa-o-o)
someone keeps pullin on my sleeve (whoa-o-o)
I dont wanna but I gotta stay (whoa-o-o)
these drugs really gotta hold on me (whoa-o-o)
Cuz everytime I try ta tell 'em no (no-o-o)
they won't let me ever let 'em go (go-o-o)
I'm a sucker all I gotta say (whoa-o-o)
these drug's really gotta hold on me (whoa-o-o)

In third grade all I used to do, was sniff glue through a
tube and play rubixcube
Seventeen years later I'm as rude as jude
Schemein on the first chick with the hugest boobs
I got no game, and every face looks the same
they got no name, so i don't need game to play
I just say whatever I want, to whoever I want,
whenever i want, wherever I want, however I want
However I do show some respect to few
This ecstacy has got me standin next to you
Gettin sentimental as fuck, spillin guts to you
We just met, but I think I'm in love with you
But your on it too, so you tell me you love me too,
Wake up in the morning like "What the fuck we do?"
I gotta go bitch, you know I got stuff to do, Cuz if
I get caught cheatin then I'm stuck with you
But in the long run these drugs are probably gonna
catch up sooner or later
But fuck it I'm on one, so let's enjoy,
let the ex destroy your spinal chord,
so it's not a straight line no more
So we walk around lookin like some wind-up dolls,
Shit stickin out of ourbacks like a dinosaur,
Shit, six hit's won't even get me high no more,
so bye for now, I'm gonna try
to find some more

Chorus

That's the sound of a bottle when it's hollow
when you swallow it all wallow and drown in your sorrow
And tomorrow your probably gonna wanna do it again
What's a little spinal fluid between you and a friend, screw it
and whats a little bit of alcohol poisoning? and whats a little fight,
tomorrow you'll be boys again
It's your life, live it however you wanna
Marajuana is everywhere, where was you brought up?
It don't matter as long as you get where you're goin
Cuz none of this shit's gonna mean shit where we're goin
They tell you to stop but you just sit there ignorin,
even though you wake upfeelin like shit every mornin.
But you're young, you got a lot of drugs to do,
girls to screw, parties tocrash, sucks to be you
If I could take it all back now I wouldn't,
I woulda did more shit thatpeople said that I shouldnt
But I'm all grown up now,
and upgraded and graduated to better drugs and
updated
But I still gotta a lot of growin up to do,
I still gotta whole lot ofthrowin up to spew
But when it's all said and done
i'll be forty before i know it wit a 40 on
the porch tellin stories
with a bottle of Jack, two grandkids on my lap,
babysitting for Hailie, while
Hailie's out gettin smashed.

Chorus x 2
drugs really gotta hold on me
really got a hold on me
drugs really gotta hold on me
they really got a hold on me

(Eminem)
Aww look at Daddy's baby girl
That's daddy's baby
Little sleepy head
Yesterday I changed your diaper
Wiped you and powdered you.
How did you get so big?
Can't believe, it now your two
Baby you're so precious
Daddy's so proud of you
SIT DOWN BITCH
YOU MOVE AGAIN I'LL BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF YOU!

(Eminem)
(Kim screaming)
Don't make me wake this baby
She don't need to see what I'm about to do
Quit cryin' bitch!
Why you always make me shout at you!
How could you?
Just leave me and love him out the blue
(Kim screaming/crying)
Oh, what's a matter Kim?
Am I too loud for you?
Too bad bitch, your gonna finally hear me out this time
At first, I'm like all right
You wanna throw me out? That's fine!
But not for him to take my place,are you out your mind?
This couch, this TV, this whole house is mine!
How could you let him sleep in our bed?
Look at Kim
Look at your husband now!
(Kim screaming)
I said look at him!
He ain't so hot now is he?
Little Punk!
(Why are you doing this?)
Shut the fuck up!
(You're drunk! You're never going to get away with this)
You think I give a fuck!
Come on we're going for a ride bitch
(No!)
Sit up front
(Well I can't just leave Hailie alone, what if she wakes up?)
We'll be right back
Well I will you'll be in the trunk

(1)-So long, bitch you did me so wrong
I don't wan't to go on
Living in this world without you

(Repeat 1)

You really fucked me Kim
You really did a number on me
I never knew me cheating on you would come back to haunt me
But we was kids then Kim, I was only 18
That was years ago
I thought we wiped the slate clean
That's fucked up!
(I love you!)
Oh God my brain is racing
(I love you!)
What are you doing?
Change the station, I hate this song!
Does this look like a big joke?
(No!)
There's a four year old little boy lyin' dead with a slit throat
In your living room, ha-ha
What you think I'm kidding you?
You loved him didn't you?
(No!)
Bullshit you bitch don't fucking lie to me
What the fuck's this guys' problem on the side of me?
Fuck you asshole, yeah bite me
Kim, KIM!
Why don't you like me?
You think I'm ugly don't you
(It's not that!)
No you think I'm ugly
(Baby)
Get the fuck away from me, don't touch me
I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU!
I SWEAR TO GOD I HATE YOU
OH MY GOD I LOVE YOU
How the fuck could you do this to me?!
(Sorry!)
How the fuck could you do this to me?!

(Repeat 1 (2x)

Come on get out
(I can't I'm scared)
I said get out bitch!
(Let go of my hair, please don't do this baby)
(Please I love you, look we can just take Hailie and leave)
Fuck you! You did this to us
You did it, it's your fault
Oh my God I'm cracking up
Get a grip Marshall
Hey remember the time we went to Brian's party?
And you were like so drunk you threw up all over Archie
That was funny wasn't it?
(Yes)
That was funny wasn't it?!
(Yes!)
See it all makes sense doesn't it?
You and your husband have a fight
One of you tries to grab a knife
And during the struggle he accidentally gets his adam's apple sliced
(No!)
And while this is going on
His son has woke up and he walks in
She panics and he gets his throat cut
(Oh my God!)
And now they both dead and you slash your own throat
So now it's double homicide and suicide with no note
I should have known better when you started to act weird
We could've----HEY! Where you going? Get back here!
You can't run from me Kim
It's just us, nobody else!
You're only making this harder on yourself
Ha! Ha! Got'cha!
(Ahh!)
Go ahead yell!
Here I'll scream with you!
"AH SOMEBODY HELP!"
Don't you get it bitch, no one can hear you?
Now shut the fuck up and get what's coming to you
You were supposed to love me
(*Kim choking*)
NOW BLEED BITCH BLEEED!
BLEED BITCH BLEEED! BLEEEEED!

(repeat 1 (2x)

[Eminem]
A lot of people ask me.. stupid fuckin questions
A lot of people think that.. what I say on records
or what I talk about on a record, that I actually do in real life
or that I believe in it
Or if I say that, I wanna kill somebody, that..
I'm actually gonna do it
or that I believe in it
Well, shit.. if you believe that
then I'll kill you
You know why?
Cuz I'm a

CRIMINAL
CRIMINAL
You god damn right
I'm a CRIMINAL
Yeah, I'm a CRIMINAL

[Eminem]
My words are like a dagger with a jagged edge
That'll stab you in the head
whether you're a fag or lez
Or the homosex, hermaph or a trans-a-vest
Pants or dress - hate fags? The answer's "yes"
Homophobic? Nah, you're just heterophobic
Starin at my jeans, watchin my genitals bulgin (Ooh!)
That's my motherfuckin balls, you'd better let go of em
They belong in my scrotum, you'll never get hold of em
Hey, it's me, Versace
Whoops, somebody shot me!
And I was just checkin the mail
Get it? Checkin the 'male'? (clicks tongue twice)
How many records you expectin to sell
After your second LP sends you directly to jail?
C'mon!-- Relax Guy, I like gay men
Right, Ken? Give me an amen (AAA-men!)
Please Lord, this boy needs Jesus
Heal this child, help us destroy these demons
Oh, and please send me a brand new car
And a prostitute while my wife's sick in the hospital
Preacher preacher, fifth grade teacher
You can't reach me, my mom can't neither
You can't teach me a goddamn thing cause
I watch TV, and Comcast cable
And you ain't able to stop these thoughts
You can't stop me from toppin these charts
And you can't stop me from droppin each March
With a brand new cd for these fuckin retards
Duhhh, and to think, it's just little ol' me
Mr. "Don't Give A Fuck," still won't leave

Chorus: Eminem (repeat 2X)

I'm a CRIMINAL
Cuz every time I write a rhyme, these people think it's a crime
to tell em what's on my mind - I guess I'm a CRIMINAL
but I don't gotta say a word, I just flip em the bird
and keep goin, I don't take shit from no one

[Eminem]
My mother did drugs - hard liquor, cigarettes, and speed
The baby came out - disfigured, ligaments indeed
It was a seed who would grow up just as crazy as she
Don't dare make fun of that baby cause that baby was me
I'm a CRIMINAL - an animal caged who turned crazed
But how the fuck you sposed to grow up when you weren't raised?
So as I got older and I got a lot taller
My dick shrunk smaller, but my balls got larger
I drink malt liquor to fuck you up quicker
Than you'd wanna fuck me up for sayin the word...
My morals went thhbbpp when the president got oral
Sex in his Oval Office on top of his desk
Off of his own employee
Now don't ignore me, you won't avoid me
You can't miss me, I'm white, blonde-haired
And my nose is pointy
I'm the bad guy who makes fun of people that die
In plane crashes and laughs
As long as it ain't happenin to him
Slim Shady, I'm as crazy as Em
-inem and Kim combined - *kch* the maniac's in
Replacin the doctor cause Dre couldn't make it today
He's a little under the weather, so I'm takin his place
(Mm-mm-mmm!) Oh, that's Dre with an AK to his face
Don't make me kill him too and spray his brains all over the place
I told you Dre, you should've kept that thing put away
I guess that'll teach you not to let me play with it, eh?
I'm a CRIMINAL

[Interlude Skit]
[Dre] Aight look (uh huh) just go up in that motherfucker
get the motherfuckin money and get the fuck up outta there
[Em] Aight
[Dre] I'll be right here waitin on you
[Em] Aight
[Dre] Yo Em
[Em] What?!
[Dre] Don't kill nobody this time
[Em] Awwright... god damn, fuck...
(whistling) how you doin'?
[Teller] HI, how can I help you?
[Eminem] Yeah I need to make a withdrawl
[Teller] Okay
[Eminem] Put the fuckin money in the bag bitch
and I won't kill you!
[Teller] What? Oh my god, don't kill me
[Eminem] I'm not gonna kill you bitch, quit lookin around...
[Teller] Don't kill me, I have two kids at home, don't kill me
[Eminem] I said I'm not gonna fuckin kill you
Hurry the fuck up! {*BOOM*} Thank you!

[Eminem]
Windows tinted on my ride when I drive in it
So when I rob a bank, run out and just dive in it
So I'll be disguised in it
And if anybody identifies the guy in it
I'll hide for five minutes
Come back, shoot the eyewitness
Then fire at the private eye hired to pry in my business
Die bitches, bastards, brats, pets!
This puppy's lucky I didn't blast his ass yet
If I ever gave a fuck, I'd shave my nuts
Tuck my dick in between my legs and cluck
You motherfuckin chickens ain't brave enough
To say the stuff I say, so just tape it shut
Shit, half the shit I say, I just make it up
To make you mad so kiss my white naked ass
And if it's not a rapper that I make it as
I'ma be a fuckin rapist in a Jason mask

(Chorus 2X)