Joe's Garage Acts I, II & III
Album - 20 novembre 2006 - Debaser id 822515

Central Scrutinizer:
We take you now, to a garage, in Canoga Park.

Frank Zappa:
(It makes it's own sauce...)

Joe:
It wasn't very large
There was just enough room to cram the drums
In the corner over by the Dodge
It was a fifty-four
With a mashed up door
And a cheesy little amp
With a sign on the front said "Fender Champ"
And a second hand guitar
It was a Stratocaster with a whammy bar

At this point, LARRY (a guy who will eventually give up music and earn a respectable living as a roadie for a group called Toad-O) joins in the song...

Larry:
We could jam in Joe's Garage
His mama was screamin'
His dad was mad
We was playin' the same old song
In the afternoon 'n' sometimes we would
Play it all night long
It was all we knew, 'n' easy too
So we wouldn't get it wrong
All we did was bend the string like...
Hey!
Down in Joe's Garage
We didn't have no dope or LSD
But a coupla quartsa beer
Would fix it so the intonation
Would not offend yer ear
And the same old chords goin' over 'n' over
Became a symphony
We would play it again 'n' again 'n' again
'Cause it sounded good to me
ONE MORE TIME!
We could jam in Joe's Garage
His mama was screamin',
"TURN IT DOWN!"
We was playing' the same old song
In the afternoon 'n' sometimes we would
Play it all night long
It was all we knew, and easy too
So we wouldn't get it wrong
Even if you played it on a saxophone
We thought we was pretty good
We talked about keepin' the band together
'N' we figured that we should
'Cause about this time we was gettin' the eye
From the girls in the neighborhood
They'd all come over 'n' dance around
like...

Twenty teen-age girls dash
in and go STOMP-CLAP,
STOMP-CLAP-CLAP...

So we picked out a stupid name
Had some cards printed up for a coupla bucks
'N' we was on our way to fame
Got matching suits 'N' Beatle Boots
'N' a sign on the back of the car
'N' we was ready to work in a GO-GO Bar

ONE TWO THREE FOUR
LET'S SEE IF YOU GOT SOME MORE!

People seemed to like our song
They got up 'n' danced 'n' made a lotta noise
An' it wasn't 'fore very long
A guy from a company we can't name
Said we oughta take his pen
'N' sign on the line for a real good time
But he didn't tell us when
These "good times" would be somethin'
That was really happenin'
So the band broke up
An' it looks like
We will never play again...

Joe:
Guess you only get one chance in life
To play a song that goes like...

(And, as the band plays their little song,
MRS. BORG (who keeps her son SY,
in the closet with the vacuum cleaner)
screams out the window...

Mrs. Borg:
Turn it down!
Turn it DOWN!
I have children sleeping here...
Don't you boys know any nice songs?

Joe:
(Speculating on the future)
Well the years was rollin' by, yeah
Heavy Metal 'n' Glitter Rock
Had caught the public eye, yeah
Snotty boys with lipstick on
Was really flyin' high, yeah
'N' then they got that Disco thing
'N' New Wave came along
'N' all of a sudden I thought the time
Had come for that old song
We used to play in "Joe's Garage"
And if I am not wrong
You will soon be dancin' to...

Central Scrutinizer:
The WHITE ZONE is
for loading and
unloading only. If you
gotta load or unload,
go to the WHITE
ZONE. You'll love it...

Joe:
Well the years was rollin' by (etc.)...

Mrs. Borg:
I'm calling THE POLICE!
I did it! They'll be here...shortly!

Officer Butzis:
This is the Police...

Mrs. Borg:
I'm not joking around anymore

Officer Butzis:
We have the garage surrounded
If you give yourself up
We will not harm you
Or hurt you neither

Mrs. Borg:
You'll see them

Officer Butzis:
This is the Police

Mrs. Borg:
There they are, they're coming!

Officer Butzis:
Give yourself up
We will not harm you

Mrs. Borg:
Listen to that mess, would you?

Officer Butzis:
This is the Police
Give yourself up
We have the garage surrounded

Mrs. Borg:
Everday this goes on around here!

Officer Butzis:
We will not harm you, or maim you
(SWAT Team 4, move in!)

Mrs. Borg:
He used cut my grass...
He was very nice boy...
That's DISGUSTING!!

Central Scrutinizer:
This is the CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER...
That was Joe's first confrontation with The Law.
Naturally, we were easy on him.
One of our friendly counselors gave him
A do-nut...and told him to
Stick closer to church-oriented social activities.

Larry:
Hey Hey Hey all you girls in these
Industrial towns
I know you're prob'ly gettin' tired
Of all the local clowns
They never give you no respect
They never treat you nice
So perhaps you oughta try
A little friendly advice
And be a CREW SLUT
Hey, you'll love it
Be a CREW SLUT
It's a way of life
Be a CREW SLUT
See the world
Don't make a fuss, just get on the bus
CREW SLUT
Add water makes its own sauce
Be a CREW SLUT
So you don't forget, call before midnite tonite
The boys in the crew
Are just waiting for you
You never to get move around
You never go nowhere
I know yer prob'ly gettin' tired
Of all the guys out there
You always wondered what it's like
To go from place to place
So, darlin', take a little ride
On the mixer's face
Be a CREW SLUT
Just follow the magic footprints
Be a CREW SLUT
Hey, you'll love it!
Be a CREW SLUT
It's a way of life
I ain't gonna squash it
And you don't need to wash it!
CREW SLUT
Hey, I'll buy you a pizza
CREW SLUT
Of course I'll introduce you to Warren
The boys in the crew
Are only waiting for you

At this point, the road crew, as all road crews must from time to time, borrow some of the big rock group's equipment and have a blues jam session, indicating to the kneeling maidens that they are endowed with a great deal of raw talent, as well as massive meat. Obviously impressed with LARRY'S ability to suck so hard on his harmonica that screeching little noises come out of it, MARY kneels again and reaches upward in gestures of supplication, listening intently as LARRY continues to sing...

Larry:
Well you been to Alabama, girl,
'N' Georgia too
'N' all the boys in the crew
Is bein' good to you
I know yer sayin' to yourself
'This is the way to go'
'Cause when you need a little extra
They will give you some mo'
`Cause you're the CREW SLUT

Mary:
Eh, hah ha, I'm into leather...

Larry:
That's good! A lot of the boys in the crew Love leather...

Mary:
And rubber...

Larry:
Yeh, they like rubber too...shrink-tubing
With a hair dryer...

Road Crew Chorus:
Trade your spot on the bench
For a guy with a wrench
And be a...

Mary:
Ha ha ha...

Larry:
You like that, huh?
I told you you'd love it...
It's a way of life!

Road Crew Chorus:
The guys in the crew
Have got a present for you!
Ren nah naaah
Ren nah naaah
Ren nah naaah

Mary:
A present for me?

Road Crew Chorus:
Ren nah naaah
Ren nah naaah
Ren nah naaah

Larry:
Hmmm, we got a present for you!

Road Crew Chorus:
Ren nah naaah
Ren nah naaah
Ren nah naaah

Mary:
Whaddya got?

Road Crew Chorus:
Ren nah naaah

Mary:
Whaddya gonna give me?

Road Crew Chorus:
Ren nah naaah
Ren nah naaah

Larry:
It looks just like a Telefunken U-47
You'll love it...

Mary:
With Leather?

Central Scrutinizer:
Eh errr, eh eh...This is,eh, the CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER again...
And so Mary was enticed away from Joe
By an evil barbarian with a wrench in his pocket
Lured into a life of SLEAZERY
With the entire road crew of some
Famous Rock Group
(I don't know whether it was really Toad-O or not
...I don't know... I'll check it out)
Again we see
MUSIC
Causing
BIG TROUBLE!

Frank Zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Warren Cucurullo (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Denny Walley (slide guitar, vocals)
Ike Willis (lead vocals)
Peter Wolf (keyboards)
Tommy Mars (keyboards)
Arthur Barrow (bass, vocals)
Ed Mann (percussion)
Vinnie Colaiuta (drums)
Jeff (tenor saxophone)
Marginal Chagrin (baritone saxophone)
Stumuk (bass saxophone)
Dale Bozzio (vocals)
Al Malkin (vocals)
Craig Steward (harmonica)

Shortly after his liaison with the taco stand lady, JOE makes a horrible discovery...

Joe:
Why does it hurt when I pee?
Why does it hurt when I pee?
I don't want no doctor
To stick no needle in me
Why does it hurt when I pee?
I got it from the toilet seat
I got it from the toilet seat
It jumped right up
'N' grabbed my meat
Got it from the toilet seat
My balls feel like a pair of maracas
My balls feel like a pair of maracas
Oh God I probably got the
Gon-o-ka-ka-khackus!
My balls feel like a pair of maracas
Ai-ee-ai-ee-ahhhh!
Why does it
Why does it
Why does it
Why does it hurt...when I
Peeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee?

Frank Zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Warren Cucurullo (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Denny Walley (slide guitar, vocals)
Ike Willis (lead vocals)
Peter Wolf (keyboards)
Tommy Mars (keyboards)
Arthur Barrow (bass, vocals)
Ed Mann (percussion)
Vinnie Colaiuta (drums)
Jeff (tenor saxophone)
Marginal Chagrin (baritone saxophone)
Stumuk (bass saxophone)
Dale Bozzio (vocals)
Al Malkin (vocals)
Craig Steward (harmonica)

JOE is so disoriented by his disease, he goes in the other room and plays the title cut from an old Jeff Simmons album, and sings along with it.

Joe:
Lucille
Has messed my mind up
But I still love her
Oh I still love her
Lucille
Has messed my mind up
But I still love her
Oh I still love her
Lucille
Has messed my mind up
But I still need her
You know I need her
Whatcha tryna doota me
Lucille?
Whatcha tryna doota me
Lucille?
Whatcha tryna doota me
Lucille?
You got me goin' outa my mind
Lucille
Has tore my heart up
But I still love her
I really love her
Lucille
Has tore my heart up
But I still need her
You know I need her
She treats me like my heart
Is made of stone
She runs around
And leaves me home
All alone
She doesn't answer
When I call her on the phone
She messed up my mind
I'm crying alla the time
Lucille
Has messed my mind up (etc., etc., etc.)

Central Scrutinizer:
This is the CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER...again, Hi!...It's me again, the CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER...Joe says Lucille has messed his mind up, but, was it the girl or was it the music? As you can see...girls, music, disease, heartbreak...they all go together...Joe found out the hard way, but his troubles were just beginning...his mind was so messed up...he could hardly do nothin'...He was in a quandary...being devoured by the swirling cesspool of his own steaming desires...the guy was a wreck...so...what does he do? For once, he does something SMART...he goes out...and pays a lot of money to L. Ron Hoover... at the First Church of Appliantology!

Frank Zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Warren Cucurullo (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Denny Walley (slide guitar, vocals)
Ike Willis (lead vocals)
Peter Wolf (keyboards)
Arthur Barrow (bass, vocals)
Ed Mann (percussion)
Vinnie Colaiuta (drums)

Arriving at L. Ron Hoover's modernistic office / cathedral / warehouse / condominium complex, Joe is greeted by a pre-recorded message and a dramatically illuminated image on a wall-sized TV screen...

L. Ron Hoover:
Welcome to the First Church of Appliantology! The WHITE ZONE is for loading and unloading only!

Don't you be Tarot-fied
It's just a token
of my extreme
Don't you be Tarot-fied
It's just a token
of my extreme

Don't you never try to
look behind my eyes
You don't wanna know
what they have seen
Don't you never try to
look behind my eyes
You don't wanna know
what they have seen

Joe: (thinking to himself)
Some people think
That if they go too far
They'll never get back
To where the rest of
them are
I might be crazy
But there's one thing
I know
You might be surprised
At what you find
when ya go!

And thus, having ration- alized his expedition to L. Ron's modernistic office / cathedral / warehouse / condominium complex, JOE seeks The Answer to his problem...

Joe:
Oh oh oh
Mystical Advisor
What is my problem,
tell me
Can you see?

L. Ron Hoover:
Well, you have nothing
to fear, my son!
You are a Latent
Appliance Fetishist,
It appears to me!

Joe:
That all seems very,
very strange
I never craved
a toaster
Or a color T.V.

L. Ron Hoover:
A Latent Appliance
Fetishist
Is a person who
refuses to admit
to his or herself
That sexual
gratification can
only be achieved
Through the use of
MACHINES...
Get the picture?

Joe:
Are you telling me
I should come out
of the closet now
Mr. Ron?

L. Ron Hoover:
No, my son!
You must go into
THE CLOSET

Joe:
What?

L. Ron Hoover:
And you will have

Joe:
Heh?

L. Ron Hoover:
Hey!
A lot of fun!
That's where
they all live
So if you want an
Appliance to love you
You'll have to
go in there
'N' get you one

Joe:
Well...that seems
simple enough...

L. Ron Hoover:
Yes, but if you want a
really GOOD one,
You'll have to learn a
foreign language...

Joe:
German, for instance?

L. Ron Hoover:
That's right...
A lot of really cute
ones come from
over there!
(Fifty bucks, please)
And a cheerful group of
Appliantologists dance
into the room wearing
aluminum foil lab smocks,
lock arms in a circle
around JOE, making sure
he pays in full, all the
while singing with L. RON
as he delivers his final
instructions...

L. Ron Hoover:
If you been
Mod-O-fied,
It's an illusion,
an yer in between
Don't you be
Tarot-fied,
It's just a lot of nothin',
So what can it mean?

If you been
Mod-O-fied,
It's an illusion,
an yer in between
Don't you be
Tarot-fied,
It's just a lot of nothin',
So what can it mean?

If you been
Mod-O-fied,
It's an illusion,
an yer in between...

Frank Zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Warren Cucurullo (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Denny Walley (slide guitar, vocals)
Ike Willis (lead vocals)
Peter Wolf (keyboards)
Arthur Barrow (bass, vocals)
Ed Mann (percussion)
Vinnie Colaiuta (drums)

Joe:
Fick mich, du
miserabler hurensohn
Du miserabler hurensohn
Fick mich, du
miserabler hurensohn
Streck ihn aus
Streck aus deinen
heissen gelockten
Streck ihn aus
Streck aus deinen
heissen gelockten
Streck ihn aus
Streck aus deinen
heissen gelockten
schwanz
Ah-ee-ahee-ahhhhh!
Mach es sehr schnell
Rein und raus
Magisches Schwein
Mach es sehr schnell
Rein und raus
Magisches Schwein
Bis es spritzt, spritzt,
spritzt, spritzt
Feuer!
Bis es spritzt, spritzt,
spritzt, spritzt
Feuer!
Aber beklecker nicht
das Sofa, Sofa!
Aber beklecker nicht
das Sofa, Sofa!
Aber beklecker nicht
das Sofa, Sofa!
Aber beklecker nicht
das Sofa, Sofa!

Sy Borg:
Pick me...I'm clean...
I am also programmed
for conversational
English.
May I have
this dance?

Joe:
I've got a better idea...

Fuck me, you ugly son
of a bitch
You ugly son of a bitch
Fuck me, you ugly son
of a bitch
Stick it out
Stick out yer
hot curly weenie
Stick it out
Stick out yer
hot curly weenie
Stick it out
Stick out yer
hot curly weenie
Weenie...weenie,
weenie, weenie!

Make it go fast
In and out,
(In and out)
Magical Pig

Make it go fast
In and out,
(In and out)
Magical Pig

Till it squirts, squirts,
squirts, squirts
Fire

Till it squirts, squirts,
squirts, squirts
Fire

Don't get no jizz
upon that sofa, sofa
Don't get no jizz
upon that sofa, sofa
Don't get no jizz
upon that sofa, sofa
Don't get no jizz
upon that sofa, sofa

Sy Borg:
What's a girl like you
Doing in a place
like this?
Do you come
here often?
Wait a minute...
I've got it...
You're an Italian...
What? You're Jewish?
Love your nails...
You must be a Libra...
Your place or mine?
Your place or mine?
Your place or mine?
Your place or mine?

See the chrome
Feel the chrome
Touch the chrome
Heal the chrome
See the screaming
Hot black steaming
Iridescent naugahyde
python screaming
Steam Roller!

CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER:
This is the CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER. Joe and his date an going back
to the apartment to have a little party...

Frank Zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Warren Cucurullo (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Denny Walley (slide guitar, vocals)
Ike Willis (lead vocals)
Peter Wolf (keyboards)
Arthur Barrow (bass, vocals)
Ed Mann (percussion)
Vinnie Colaiuta (drums)

Central Scrutinizer:
This is the CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER... Joe and his date are going back to the apartment to have a little party...

Joe:
Sy Borg
Gimme dat,
gimme dat

Sy Borg
Gimme dat, give me
de chromium leg,

I beg

Sy Borg
Gimme dat,
gimme dat

Sy Borg
Gimme dat, give me
de chromium leg,

Little wires,
pliers, tires
They turn me on

Maybe I'm crazy
Maybe I'm crazy
Maybe I'm crazy,
mon...

Stroking several of SY's gleaming appendages, JOE continues...

Gee, Sy
This is a real groovy
apartment
You've got here

Sy Borg:
All government
sponsored recreational
services are clean and
efficient

Joe:
This is exciting
I never plooked
A tiny chrome-plated
machine
That looks like a
magical pig
With marital aids
stuck all over it
Such as yourself
before

Sy Borg:
You'll love it!
It's a way of life.

Joe:
Does that mean
maybe later
You'll plook me...

Sy Borg:
If you wish, we may
have a groovy orgy

Joe:
Just me and you?

Sy Borg:
I share this apartment
With a modified
Gay Bob doll
He goes all the way...
Ever try oral sex with
a miniature rubberized
homo-replica?

Joe:
No, ah, not yet,
Ah, is this him?

Sy Borg:
This is him.
Your wish is
his command
He likes you
He wants to kiss
you always
Just tell him what
you want

Joe:
Really?
Hi, little guy
Think I might get a
tiny, but exciting
Blow...job...

Gimme dat,
gimme dat
Blow job...
Gimme dat, give me
de chromium cob.

Sy Borg:
Bend over.

Joe:
Gay Bob
Blow job
Gimme dat,
gimme dat
Blow job
Gimme dat, give me
de chromium cob

Sy Borg:
You'll love it!
It looks just like a
TeleFunken U-47.

Joe:
Little leather cap
and trousers
They look so gay..
Warren just bought some
Warren just bought some
Warren just bought some
Hey...

Sy Borg:
Bob is tired.
Plook me now,
You savage rascal
Ehhh! That tickles.
You are a fun person
I like you.
I want to kiss
you always.

Joe:
Gee, this is great
How's about some
bondage and
humiliation

Sy Borg:
Anything you say,
master.

Joe:
Oh no, I don't believe
it
You're way more fun
than Mary...

Sy Borg:
You're plooking
too hard...

Joe:
And cleaner than
Lucille...

Sy Borg:
Plooking on me...

Joe:
What have I
been missing
All these years?

Sy Borg:
Too hard

Joe:
Sy...

Sy Borg:
Too hard

Joe:
Sy...

Sy Borg:
Plooking too hard
on me-e-e-e-e...

Joe:
Speak to me
Oh no...
The golden shower
must have shorted out
His master circuit
He's, he's, oh my God
I must have
plooked him...
Hey
To death...
Hey

Central Scrutinizer:
This is the CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER... You have just destroyed one model XQJ-37 Nuclear Powered Pan- Sexual Roto-Plooker And you're gonna have to pay for it! So give up, you haven't got a chance.

Joe:
But I...
I, I, I, I, I...
I can't pay
I gave all my money
To some kinda groovy
religious guy...
Two songs ago...

Central Scrutinizer:
Come on out son...
Between the two of us
We'll find a way to
Work it out

Frank Zappa (lead guitar)
Ike Willis (guitar, vocals)
Ray White (guitar, vocals)
Bobby Martin (keyboards, saxophone, vocals)
Alan Zavod (keyboards)
Scott Thunes (bass)
Chad Wackerman (drums)

Act II

SCENE FOURTEEN
OUTSIDE NOW

JOE: (somewhat exhausted)
These executives have plooked the fuck out of me
And there's still a long time to go before I've
Paid my debt to society
And all I ever really wanted to do was
Play the guitar 'n bend the string like
Reent-toont-teent-toont-teenooneenoonee
I've got it
I'll be sullen and withdrawn
I'll dwindle off into the twilight realm
Of my own secret thoughts
I'll lay on my back here 'til dawn
In a semi-catatonic state
And dream of guitar notes
That would irritate
An executive kinda guy...

And sure enough JOE dreams up a few of those guitar notes
that every executive despises...those low ones...every exec
knows it's only the records with the high squeally ones that
get to be hits (except for Duane Eddy)...

Well, I guess that one did the trick
If they only coulda heard it
Half-a-dozen of em woulda strangled
While they was suckin on each others' dick
But that was just a bunch of imaginary
Notes I played
Just a little extra somethin'
To keep me goin from day to day
That's okay
I'll be gettin outta here pretty soon
Then I won't have to live
In this ugly fuckin room
Can't wait to see
I can't wait to see what it's like
On the outside now . . .
Can't wait to see
I can't wait to see what it's like
On the outside now . . .
Can't wait to see
I can't wait to see what it's like
On the outside now . . .
Can't wait to see
I can't wait to see what it's like
On the outside now . . .
Can't wait to see
I can't wait to see what it's like
On the outside now . . .
Can't wait to see
I can't wait to see what it's like
On the outside now . . .
Can't wait to see
I can't wait to see what it's like
On the outside now . . .
Can't wait to see
I can't wait to see what it's like
On the outside now . . .
Can't wait to see
I can't wait to see what it's like
On the outside now . . .
Outside now . . .

And JOE just lays there, dreaming imaginary guitar notes for years
on end, until finally they let him out...

Frank Zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Warren Cucurullo (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Denny Walley (slide guitar, vocals)
Ike Willis (lead vocals)
Peter Wolf (keyboards)
Arthur Barrow (bass, vocals)
Ed Mann (percussion)
Vinnie Colaiuta (drums)

Joe: (clutching the hood ornament of an ancient car)
Maybe you thought I
was the Packard Goose
Or the Ronald
MacDonald of the
nouveau-abstruse
Well fuck all them
people, I don't
need no excuse
For being what I am
Do you hear me, then?

All them rock 'n roll
writers is the worst
kind of sleaze
Selling punk like
some new kind of
English disease
Is that the wave
of the future?
Aw, spare me please!

Oh no, you gotta go
Who do you write for?
I wanna know
I believe you is the
government's whore
And keeping peoples
dumb is where you're
coming from
And keeping peoples
dumb is where you're
coming from
Fuck all them writers
with the pen in
their hand
I will be more
specific so they
might understand
They can all
kiss my ass
But because it's
so grand
They'd best just
stay away
Hey, hey, hey

Hey, Joe, who
did you blow?
Moe pushed
the button boy
And you went
to the show
Better suck a little
harder or the shekels
won't flow
And I don't mean
your thumb
So on your knees
you bum
Just tell yourself
it's yum
And suck it 'till
you're numb

Journalism's
kinda scary
And of it
we should be wary
Wonder what became
of Mary?

And no sooner has he wondered, a vision of Mary appears to him, delivering a little lecture...

Voice Of Mary's Vision:
Hi! It's me...
the girl from the bus...
Remember?
The last tour?
Well...

Information is
not knowledge
Knowledge is
not wisdom
Wisdom is not truth
Truth is not beauty
Beauty is not love
Love is not music
Music is THE BEST...
Wisdom is the domain
of the Wis
(which is extinct).
Beauty is a French
phonetic corruption
Of a short cloth
neck ornament
Currently in
resurgence...

And no sooner has she spoken (which is awkward and probably incorrect but what the fuck), enormous flabby short cloth neck ornaments obscure the horizon in a multitude, beating their ugly wings and working their hidden chrome snap attachments as they resurge in the direction of the White Zone seeking snack material near the Utensil Shrines of Greater America...

Joe:
If you're in the
audience and like
what we do
Well, we want you
to know that we
like you all too
But as for the
sucker who will
write the review
If his mind
is prehensile
(His mind
is prehensile)
He'll put down
his pencil
(He'll put down
his pencil)
And have
himself a squat
On the Cosmic Utensil
(Cosmic Utensil)
Go give it all you got
On the Cosmic Utensil
(Cosmic Utensil)
Sit 'n spin until you rot
On the Cosmic Utensil
(Cosmic Utensil)
He really needs
to squat
On the Cosmic Utensil
(Cosmic Utensil
Cosmic Utensil)

Now that I got that
over with
I'll just play my
imaginary guitar again
Hey...
soundin' pretty good!
Hey...get down, me...
Boy, what an
imagination!
Love myself better
than I love myself...
I think...
What tone!
Sounds like an
Elegant Gypsy!
What is that?
Musk?
It's hip!

Frank Zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Warren Cucurullo (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Denny Walley (slide guitar, vocals)
Ike Willis (lead vocals)
Peter Wolf (keyboards)
Arthur Barrow (bass, vocals)
Ed Mann (percussion)
Vinnie Colaiuta (drums)

Central Scrutinizer:
This is the CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER...Joe has just worked himself into an imaginary frenzy during the fade- out of his imaginary song...He begins to feel depressed now. He knows the end is near. He has realized at last that imaginary guitar notes and imaginary vocals exist only in the imagination of The Imaginer...and... ultimately, who gives a fuck anyway...So...So... Excuse me...So...Who gives a fuck anyway? So he goes back to his ugly little room and quietly dreams his last imaginary guitar solo...