Letting Off the Happiness
Album - 2 settembre 1998 - Debaser id 9571

I dreamt of a fever,
one that would cure me of this cold, winter-set heart
With heat to melt these frozen tears burned with reasons as to carry on

Into these twisted months I plunge without a light to follow
But I swear that I would follow anything
just get me out of here

But you get six months to adapt
and you get two more to leave town
And in the event that you do adapt
we still might not want you around

But I fell for the promise of a life with a purpose
but I know that that's impossible now
And so I drink to stay warm and to kill selected memories
cause I just can't think anymore about that
or about her tonight

And I give myself three days to feel better or else I
swear I'll drive right off a fucking cliff
because if I can't learn to make myself feel better
how can I expect anyone else to give a shit?

and I scream for the sunlight
or a car to take me anywhere.
just get me passed this dead and eternal snow

cause I swear that I'm dying
Slowly, but it's happening
and if the perfect spring is waiting somewhere
just take me there
just take me there
just take me there
and say and lie to me and say and lie to me and say
it's gonna be alright
it's gonna be alright
it's gonna be alright
it's gonna be alright
it's gonna be alright
it's gonna be alright
it's gonna be alright
it's gonna be alright
it's gonna be alright..

I had a brother once
He drowned in a bathtub
before he'd ever learned how to talk
And I don't know what his name was
but my mother does
I heard her say it once
Padraic my prince, I have all but died
From the sheer weight of my shame
You cried but no one came
And the water filled your tiny lungs
Appear, my dear, and cry for me
Six years ago today
That I laid you in your grave
Your sweet young skin was shining then too
So tonight to celebrate i will...
I will poison myself
Another coughing, shaking fit in a bathroom
That is spinning
And I close the door
And I rest my head on the tile floor
Sickness and sleep turning me cold
I'm still not sure
Is there some better place I could be heading towards?
Where the selfishly sick and self-absorbed...
Are welcome
I saw the future once
I was drunk in a phone booth
My eyes were wet and red
But I could not tell what was said
And through the screams of the traffic
Voices carried
Saying I'm sorry
On a day so gray it's black inside
Watching churches on TV
In a coma you don't dream
You just hope that someone sits with you
Babies turn blue when they're ignored
Like the sky on summer days
Before you turn and walk away
It has changed you
So tonight to compensate I will...
I will poison myself
Another coughing, shaking fit in a bathroom
That is spinning

You contrast and compare
Between the busy ones and the ones who don't care
Until there is no one
That you really know
So I drift through these days
Of appointments and promises made
They will all end up broken
And quickly replaced
Weeks are slow, days drag on
Even practice and parties seem long
but I find myself going
I guess there is nothing to do, oh well
Group of kids, line of cars
more will show up after the bars close
There's this boredom that drowns everything
Bottles break, music plays
conversations competing for space
I look for a corner or a quieter room
There's no heat in this house
I can't breathe with these words in my mouth
But I'm not going to say them
Yeah, I've made that mistake before
On the stairs, she grabs my arm
Says whats up, where you been, is something wrong?
I try to just smile
And say everything's fine

The city has sex with itself I suppose
As the concrete collides while the scenery grows
And the lonely once bandaged lay fully exposed
Having undressed their wounds for each other
And there's a boy in a basement with a four track machine
He's been strumming and screaming all night down there
The tape hiss will cover the words that he sings
But they say it's better to bury your sadness
In a graveyard or garden that waits for the spring
To awake from its sleep and burst into green
Well, I've cried
And you would think I'd feel better for it
But the sadness just sleeps
And it stays in my spine
For the rest of my life
And I've learned
And you'd think I'd be something more now
But it just goes to show
It is not what you know
It's what you were thinking at the time
This feeling's familiar, I've been here before
In a kitchen this quiet I waited for
A sign or just something
That might reassure me of anything close
To meaning or motion, with a reason to move
I needed something I want to be close to
And I scream
But I still don't know why I do it
Because the sound never stays, it just swells and decays
So what is the point?
Why try
To fight what is now so certain?
The truth is all that I am
Is a passing event
That will be forgotten

Now that it's June
We'll sleep out in the garden
And if it rains
We'll just sink into the mud
Where it is quiet
And much cooler than the house is
And there's no clocks
Or phones to wake us up
Because I have learned
That nothing is as pressing
As the one who is pressing
Would like you to believe
And I'm content
To walk a little slower
Because there's nowhere that...
I really need to be
And I find that life is easier
When it is just a blur
With no details to confuse
Who or what or where I was
So when the ending comes
The full regret will seem obscure
But these are days we dream about
When the sunlight paints us gold
And this apartment could not be prettier
As we danced up there alone
And this TV's old
The color's fucked
Do you see the difference in the shades?
But the green's still close to green, my love
And I believe we are the same
And we'll stay like this, all gold and green
Light collects and projects your heart on a movie screen
And if you close your eyes we will always be
The way we were that night you crawled inside of me
And you slept in my blood
The way you sleep now
The quietest hush
Has consumed this house
And when the doctors have gone
And you sweat through the bed
With all these pictures and pills
They piled around your head
Just rest now
And in a moment you'll know everything
Was it all a dream?
It's too vague now to recount
An outline of the one you loved
In a life that was
That no longer will be
Stands above you
As you sleep

I spent a week drinking the sunlight of Winnetka, California
Where they understand the weight of human hearts
You see, sorrow gets too heavy and joy it tends to hold you
With the fear that it eventually departs
And the truth is I've been dreaming of some tired tranquil place
Where the weather won't get trapped inside my bones
And if all the years of searching find one sympathetic face
Then it's there I'll plant these seeds and make my home
I spent a day dreaming of dying in Mesa, Arizona
Where all the green of life had turned to ash
And I felt I was on fire, with the things I could have told you
I just assumed that you eventually would ask
And I wouldn't have to bring up my so badly broken heart
And all those months I just wanted to sleep
And though spring, it did come slowly, I guess it did its part
My heart has thawed and continues to beat
And I visited my brother on the outskirts of Olympia
Where the forest and the water become one
And we talked about our childhood
like a dream we were convinced of
That perfect, peaceful street that we came from
And I know he heard me strumming all those sad and simple chords
As I sat inside my room so long ago
And it hurts that he's still shaking from those secrets that were told
By a car closed up too tight and a heart turned cold
And I went to San Diego, and the birthplace of the summer
And watched the ocean dance under the moon
There was a girl I knew there, one more potential lover
I guess that something's gotta happen soon
Cause I know I can't keep living in this dead or dying dream
As I walked along the beach and drank with her
I thought about my true love, the one I really need
With eyes that burn so bright, they make me pure
They make me pure, they make me pure
I long to be with you
They make me pure, they make me pure
I long to be with you

Is the passion all gone?
Or is it still newly-wed?
If all this heat's doing
Is making us stick to the bed
Then there's no life to revive
But if the hunger's still there
Burried somewhere inside
Covered up by the boredom
We've been trying to hide
Then dig it up
And devour
And it'll seem more like a song
And less like it's math
When you pull on my hair
And bite me like that
It'll seem more like a song
And less like it's math
When you pull on my hair
And bite me like that
It'll seem more like a song
Yeah more like song
And the truth is that I can hardly wait
I don't care if we stay up too late
Don't answer the phone
Don't answer the phone
And it'll seems more like a song
And less like it's math
When you pull on my hair
and bite me like that
It'll seems more like a song
And less like it's math
When you pull on my hair
And bite me like that
And bite me like that
And bite me and scratch me like that
And the truth is that I can hardly wait
And It's so bad I can't concentrate
Don't answer the phone
Don't answer the phone
And it'll seem more like a song
And less like it's math
When you pull on my hair
And bite me like that
It'll seems more like a song
And less like it's math
When you pull on my hair
And bite me like that
And bite me like that
And scratch me and bite me like that

The language in the dimmer rooms
Seems to represent the light source well
How soft they speak and seem to be at peace
With the movement of the music and the madness
That is pulling me into this
And the shades of the lamps are woven red
The light, it stains and consecrates
Anointing all forgotten forms
That swirl and smoke and haunt this place
The girls in gowns all nurse the dark
Pulling it near to their swelling breasts
And watch as it seeps to their hearts
And beats within their virgin chests
And here I know seduction breeds
From wanton hearts that would seduce
And grows and spreads its vine and leaves
Embracing those who might have moved
But now remain to drink the night
From vials black and thick with steam
Such intoxicating delights
That leave you drunk inside this dream
And you watch them take the light from you
And you find yourself
On a velvet couch
Tasting the skin of a foreign girl
Her eyes are black
And wet like oil
And she ties your hands with a string of pearls
And you tremble like a frightened bird
As she closes in and captures you
To place you in the silver cage
Deep within her poisoned womb
And once you're safe inside
She might let you out to fly
In the circles around the room
But it's always night
And there is no moon
And you wonder if you are alive
And you're not sure if you want to be
But you drank her sweat like it was wine
And you lay with her on a bed of blue
And it's awful sweet
Like the fruit she cuts and feeds to you

let's sail away past the noise of the bay
let's sail away past the birth and death of the day
let's sail away to where the blues and greens swirl into gray
let's sail away
let's sail away past the cradle of these waves
let's sail away past the tide and its slow decay
let's sail away to where the water goes-some endless open space
let's sail away
take only what you need, my love, and leave the rest behind
don't be afraid of where we'll go, my love
i promise you will be fine
now you are the only one thats mine
let's sail away past the reflections of the light
let's sail away floating weightless through the night
let's sail away like a photograph, fading to all white
it's finally all right
forget all the mistakes my love
they won't be made again
leave the photos in the drawer, my love
we no longer need them
we both know where we've been
let's sail away disappearing in a mist
let's sail away with a whisper and a kiss
or vanish from a road somewhere, like tereza and tomas,
suspended in this bliss.