Rubber Band
There's a rubber band that plays tunes out of tune
In the library garden Sunday afternoon
While a little chappie waves a golden wand

Rubber Band
In 1910 I was so handsome and so strong
My moustache was stiffly waxed and one foot long
And I loved a girl while you played teatime tunes

Dear Rubber Band, you're playing my tune out of tune, oh

Rubber Band
Won't you play a haunting theme again to me
While I eat my scones and drink my cup of tea
The sun is warm but it's a lonely afternoon

Oh, play that theme

Rubber Band
How I wish that I could join your Rubber Band
We could play in lively parks throughout the land
And one Sunday afternoon, I'd find my love

Rubber Band,
In the '14-'18 war I went to sea
Thought my Sunday love was waiting home for me
And now she's married to the leader of the band, oh

(spoken)
Oh sob... I hope you break your baton
Il tuo voto:
I was walking
Down the high street
When I heard footsteps behind me
And there was a little old man (hello!)
Scarlet and Gray, chuckling away

Well he trotted
Back to my house
And he sat beside the telly (ahh)
With his tiny hands on his tummy
Chuckling away, laughing all day

i'll have to report you to the gnome office
(gnome office? ahahahah!)

Hah hah hah
Hee hee hee
I'm a laughing gnome and you can't catch me
Hah hah hah
Hee hee hee
I'm a laughing gnome and you can't catch me
Said the laughing gnome

Well I gave him roasted toadstools
And a glass of dandelion wine (*burp* pardon)
Then I put him on a train to Eastbourne
Carried his bags, and gave him a fag (have you got a light boy?)

hey where do you come from?
(gnome-ans land, hehe!)
oh really?

In the morning
When i woke up
He was sitting on the edge of my bed
With his brother who's name was Fred
He brought him along
To sing me a song

alright let's hear it
now, what's that clicking noise?
(that's Fred, he's a metro-gnome, haha)

Hah hah hah
Hee hee hee
I'm a laughing gnome and you can't catch me
Hah hah hah
Hee hee hee
I'm a laughing gnome and you can't catch me

(oh now, i'm a gnome anyway haha)
haven't you got a home to go to?
(no, we are gnome-ads hehe)
didn't they teach you to get your hair cut at school you look like a rolling gnome
(nah, not at the London school of eco-gnome-ics)

Now they're staying
Up me chimney
And we're living on cavier and honey (hurray!)
Cos they're earning me lots of money
Writing comedy prose
For radio shows

it's the errrr
it's the gnome-service of course!

Hah hah hah
Hee hee hee
I'm a laughing gnome and you can't catch me
Hah hah hah
Hee hee hee (oh really)
I'm a laughing gnome and you can't catch me
(one more time!)
Hah hah hah
Hee hee hee
I'm a laughing gnome and you can't catch me
Il tuo voto:
She'd walk through the door and she'd set up the drinks on the house
She played a good game of darts, and the men slapped her back
And never took her out
She wore a trenchcoat khaki
Her hobnail boots were full of holes
She's got medals

Her mother called her Mary, but she changed her name to Tommy, she's a one, oh
She went and joined the army, passed the medical
Don't ask me how it's done
They sent her to the front line
Fighting for her country's name
She's got medals

She got very tired of picking up girls
Cleaning her gun and shaving her curls
Then the enemy dropped a bomb
Survivors there were none

People say that when the moon is full and all the stars have gone to bed
You can see her ghost but that's a lie because the naughty woman isn't dead
She deserted on the previous morning
Replaced her uniform with dresses silk and green
Called herself Eileen
Came to London town
Now she's settled down
She's got medals
Il tuo voto:
Let me introduce you to the gang
Johnny plays the sitar, he's an existentialist
Once he had a name, now he plays our game
You won't feel so good now that you've joined the gang

Molly is the model in the ads
Crazy clothes and acid full of soul and crazy hip
Someone switched her on, then her beam went wrong
Cause she can't switch off now that she's joined the gang

Arthur is a singer with a band
Arthur drinks two bottles just before he goes on stage
Look at Arthur rave, all the kids are paid
They want to see the croaking man who joined the gang

You won't be alone, we've all got beery grins
It's a big illusion but at least you're in
At least you're in

This club's called The Webb, it's this month's pick
Next month we shall find a place where prices aren't so stiff
15 bob a coke, 'fraid that's past a joke
This is how to spend now that you've joined the gang

This is what to do now that you're here
Sit round doing nothing all together very fast
Psychedelic stars, throwing down cigars
They're picking up the joints now that they've joined the gang
Il tuo voto:
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