The Best Band You Never Heard in Your Life
Live - 1991 - Debaser id 22191

[includes an excerpt from Hands With A Hammer and part of the leather conversation]

[Berkeley Community Theater
December 5, 1980
engineer: Tommy Fly

FZ lead guitar
Steve Vai rhythm guitar
Ray White rhythm guitar
Ike Willis rhythm guitar
Tommy Mars keyboards
Bob Harris keyboards
Arthur Barrow bass


Vinnie Colaiuta drums

Terry Bozzio voice
Patrick O'Hearn voice
Davey Moire voice?]

Bozzio: Talk him down, Vic . . .
Moire?: Mmm . . .
O'Hearn: Come on down, Johnny . . .
Moire?: Okay . . .

Love is a burning thing
and it makes a firery ring
bound by wild desire
I fell in to a ring of fire...

I fell in to a burning ring of fire
I went down,down,down
and the flames went higher.
And it burns,burns,burns
the ring of fire
the ring of fire.

The taste of love is sweet
when hearts like our's meet
I fell for you like a child
oh, but the fire went wild..

I fell in to a burning ring of fire.....[etc]

The Mystery Man came over
An' he said: "I'm outa-sight!"
He said, for a nominal service charge,
I could reach Nirvana t'nite
If I was ready, willing 'n able
To pay him his regular fee
He would drop all the rest of his pressing affairs
And devote His Attention to me
But I said . . .
Look here brother,
Who you jivin' with that Cosmik Debris?
(Now who you jivin' with that Cosmik Debris?)
Look here brother,
Don't you waste your time on me

The Mystery Man got nervous
An' he fidget around a bit
He reached in the pocket of his Mystery Robe
An' he whipped out a shaving kit
Now, I thought it was a razor
An' a can of foamin' goo
But he told me right then when the top popped open
There was nothin' his box won't do
With the oil of Afro-dytee
An' the dust of the Grand Wazoo
He said:
"You might not believe this, little fella, but it'll cure your Asthma too!"
An' I said . . .
Look here brother,
Who you jivin' with that Cosmik Debris?
(Now what kind of a geroo are you anyway?)
Look here brother,
Don't you waste your time on me
Don't waste yer time . . .

I've got troubles of my own, I said
An' you can't help me out
So take your meditations an' your preparations
An' ram it up yer snout
"BUT I GOT A KRISTL BOL!", he said
An' held it to the light
So I snatched it
All away from him
An' I showed him how to do it right
I wrapped a newspaper 'round my head
So I'd look like I was Deep
I said some Mumbo Jumbos then
An' told him he was goin' to sleep
I robbed his rings
An' pocket watch
An' everything else I found
I had that sucker hypnotized
He couldn't even make a sound
I proceeded to tell him his future then
As long as he was hanging around,
I said
"The price of meat has just gone up
An' yer ol' lady has just gone down . . . "
Look here brother,
Who you jivin' with that Cosmik Debris?
(Now is that a real poncho or is that a Sears poncho?)
Don't you know,
You could make more money as a butcher,
So don't you waste your time on me
(Don't waste it, don't waste your time on me . . . )
Ohm shonty, ohm shonty, ohm shonty-ohm
SSHONTAY

Terry Bozzio (drums, background vocals)
Davey Moire (vocals)
Andre Lewis (organ, vocals)
Roy Estrada (bass, vocals)
Dave Parlato (bass)
Napoleon Murphy Brock (saxophone, vocals)
Ruth Underwood (synthesizer, marimba)
Donnie Vliet (harmonica)
Louanne Neil (harp)
Ruben Ladron De Guevara (background vocals)
Sharkie Barker (background vocals)

Find her finer, sneak up behind her,
unwrap like a mummy 'til you finally unwind her.
Find her, blind her, see who designed her,
act like a dummy 'til you finally grind her.

If you should see a girl on the street,
now maybe you might think she is sweet,
but if you wanna tickle her treat,
now really what should you do?

Don't never let her know you are smart.
The universe is no place to start.
You gotta play it straight from the heart,
she gwine renunciate you.

That's why you gotta

Find her finer, sneak up behind her,
unwrap like a mummy 'til you finally unwind her.
Find her, blind her, see who designed her,
act like a dummy 'til you finally grind her.

Now maybe you might think this is crude,
and maybe you might think I am rude,
and maybe this approach I have spewed
is not the one for you.

But believe me later on you'll find,
as you impress her with your mind,
that you will just be left behind,
for a wiser fool.

So you might as well

Find her finer, sneak up behind her,
unwrap like a mummy 'til you finally unwind her.
Find her, blind her, see who designed her,
act like a dummy 'til you finally grind her.

{repeat; fade out}

Frank Zappa (guitar, piano, lead vocals)
Billy Mundi (drums, vocals, yak)
Bunk Gardner (woodwinds)
Roy Estrada (electric bass, vocals)
Don Preston (retired)
Jimmy Carl Black (drums, trumpet, vocals)
Ian Underwood (piano, woodwinds)
Motorhead Sherwood (soprano, baritone saxophone)
Suzy Creamcheese (telephone)
Dick Barber (snorks)

What's there to live for?
Who needs the peace corps?

Think I'll just DROP OUT
I'll go to Frisco
Buy a wig & sleep
On Owsley's floor

Walked past the wig store
Danced at the Fillmore
I'm completely stoned
I'm hippy & I'm trippy
I'm a gypsy on my own
I'll stay a week & get the crabs &
Take a bus back home
I'm really just a phony
But forgive me
'Cause I'm stoned

Every town must have a place
Where phony hippies meet
Psychedelic dungeons
Popping up every street
GO TO SAN FRANCISCO

How I love ya, How I love ya
How I love ya, How I love ya Frisco!
How I love ya, How I love ya
How I love ya, How I love ya
Oh, my hair is getting good in the back! Every town must have a place
Where phony hippies meet
Psychedelic dungeons
Popping up on every street
GO TO SAN FRANCISCO...

Hotcha!

First I'll buy some beads
And then perhaps a leather band
To go around my head
Some feathers and bells
And a book of Indian lure
I will ask the Chamber Of Commerce
How to get to Height Street
And smoke an awful lot of dope

I will wander around barefoot
I will have a psychedelic gleam in my eye at all times
I will love everyone
I will love the police as they kick the shit out of me on the street
I will sleep...
I will, I will go to a house
That's, that's what I will do
I will go to a house
Where there's a rock roll band
'Cause the groups all live together
And I will join a rock & roll band
I will be their road manager
And I will stay there with them
And I will get the crabs
But I won't care

Three hundred years ago
I thought I might get some sleep
I stretched myself out onna antique bed
An' my spirit did a midnite creep

You know I'll never sleep no more

It seem to me that it just ain't wise

Didja ever wake up in the mornin'
With a ZOMBY WOOF behind your eyes

Just about as evil as you could be

I am the ZOMBY WOOF
I'm that creature all the ladies been
Talkin' about

I am the ZOMBY WOOF
They all seek for shelter when I come chargin' out

Tellin' you all the Zomby troof
Here I'm is, the ZOMBY WOOF

Tellin' you all the Zomby troof
Here I'm is . . .

Reety-awrighty, he da ZOMBY WOOF
Reety-awrighty, he da ZOMBY WOOF

They said aw-reety
An' they was aw-righty
An' I was a Zomby for you, little lady . . .

I got a great big pointed fang
Which is my Zomby Toof
My right foot's bigger than my other one is
Like a reg'lar Zomby Hoof
If I raid your dormitorium
Don't try to remain aloof . . .

I might snatch you up screamin' through the window all nekkid
An' do it to you on the roof, don't mess with the
ZOMBY WOOF

I am about as evil as a Boogie Man can be!

Tellin' you all the Zomby Troof
Here I'm is, the ZOMBY WOOF

Tellin' you all the Zomby Troof
Here I'm is, the ZOMBY WOOF

Terry Bozzio (drums, background vocals)
Davey Moire (vocals)
Andre Lewis (organ, vocals)
Roy Estrada (bass, vocals)
Dave Parlato (bass)
Napoleon Murphy Brock (saxophone, vocals)
Ruth Underwood (synthesizer, marimba)
Donnie Vliet (harmonica)
Louanne Neil (harp)
Ruben Ladron De Guevara (background vocals)
Sharkie Barker (background vocals)

(Instrumental)

Frank Zappa (guitar, vocals)
George Duke (keyboards, synthesizer, vocals)
Napoleon Murphy Brock (flute, tenor saxophone, lead vocals)
Chester Thompson (drums)
Tom Fowler (bass)
Ruth Underwood (vibes, marimba, percussion)
Bloodshot Rollin' Red (harmonica)

She was the daughter of a wealthy
Florentine Pogen
Read 'em 'n weep
Was here adjustable slogan

She was a debutante daisy
With a color-note organ
Deep in the street
She drove a '59 Morgan

That's the kinda step she takes
When her hot breaks hot breaks
That's the kinda sound she makes
(ooh, let go uh me)
When her crab cakes
(Arf arf arf)

She didn't like it when her fan belt
Shrunk & got shorter
(Ointment)
Battery leak could nearly cost her a quarter

She didn't want to stay home
An' watch the pestle go mortar
Later she speaks
On how Perellis might court her

Na-na-na-noo, etc.

She was the daughter
Ah-ah-ahhh
Of a wealthy
Florentine Pogen
Po-oh-wo-oh-oh
Po-oh-wo-oh-oh
Po-oh-wo-oh-oh
Ga-ya-ee-annnn

Read 'em 'n weep
Read 'em 'n weep
Read 'em 'n weep etc.

Chester's go-rilla
She go quack
Chester's go-rilla
She go oink
Chester's go-rilla
She go moo
Chester's go-rilla
She go
Hratche-plche
Hratche-plche

Frank Zappa (guitar, vocals)
George Duke (keyboards, synthesizer, lead vocals)
Napoleon Murphy Brock (flute, tenor saxophone, lead vocals)
Chester Thompson (drums)
Tom Fowler (bass)
Ruth Underwood (vibes, marimba, percussion)
Bloodshot Rollin' Red (harmonica)
Johnny "Guitar" Watson (vocals)

Is there anything good inside of you
If there is, I really wanna know
Is there anything
Good inside of you
If there is
I really wanna
Know
Is there anything
Good inside of you
If there is
I really wanna
Know
Is there?

Is there any-thaaaang good inside of you
If there is, I really wanna know-woh-oh-oh-oh
Is there any-thaaaang good inside of you
If there is, I really wanna know,
really wanna know...

Something
Anything
Something
Anything

Show me a sign
If you don't mind
Show me a sign
If you don't mind

Do you know what I'm really telling you
Is it something that you can understand
Do you know what I'm really telling you
Is it something that you can understand
Do you know what I'm really telling you
Is it something that you can understand
Do you know what I'm really telling you
Is it something that you can understand

Andy de vine
Had a thong rind
It was sublime
But the wrong kind
Andy de vine
Had a thong rind
It was sublime
But the wrong kind

Have I aligned
With a blown mind
Wasted my time
On a drawn blind
Have I aligned
With a blown mind
Wasted my time
On a drawn blind

Oh Andy ...

Frank zappa (guitar, vocals)
George duke (keyboards, synthesizer, vocals)
Napoleon murphy brock (flute, tenor saxophone, vocals)
Chester thompson (drums)
Tom fowler (bass)
Ruth underwood (vibes, marimba, percussion)
Bloodshot rollin' red (harmonica)

(instrumental)