The Hardest Way to Make an Easy Living
Album - 10 aprile 2006 - Debaser id 318723

I need something in my life to straighten me out
Let's rent this shed, we'll do vocals in the bog
Call toast PR tell 'em we've opened up shop
Campaign meetings at Warner, no coke and not drunk
3 years to make this work, or look a joke and be broke
Blag their lawyers like the con with a dog
And there'll be no more straight scores to drop and keep dropping
Settle my gross addictions with my net and come
Tell my mum over tea that my whole life's fucking up
We've got two fifty grand in the budget to go
Subtract five for club promo
Lose five for a good video and fifteen for a dud video, fuck that

It's the hardest way to make an easy living
The party stage is a bit nearer to delivery

Mayhem textes me about the press and TV
See if I've taken any Es
So I can get some sleep
Nap on the settee, the laptop next to me
Wince for my family at the skinner scandal of the week
TV pluggers, product managers straight up
Club promo needs to step up, help it work
Stick to our guns, don't crack to demands
Tell my mum in the car, that the car might have to go back
Two hundred and twenty five grand
Twenty six grand for a showcase
And five more on tour support and support story

It's the hardest way to make an easy living
The party stage is a bit nearer to delivery

We'll never get bankrupt if we never have a go
This is no ordinary able, I need to flash up my flow
Go into Morris stead as well as saville row
I want a pin-stripe suit that no man owns
Cash in the Kano beat for the silver shadow
Send it to warrior for the flash and the glow
The safest way to double your money is to fold it in your pocket
Tell my mum during breakfast that I got no sleep
Eight grand paid in September, April, may and December
If this keeps going so well, this is going to be the end of us

It's the hardest way to make an easy living
The party stage is a bit nearer to delivery

In spread betting it's easy to draw a small fortune start
With a big fortune and lose into a small fortune
Haven't got a clue, we blindly charge on
Death threats from a boy of the girl I sarged on
She said she didn't have a bloke, another lesson marked down
Verbal agreements aren't worth the paper they're marked on
Get scans of reviews, we beg to chart up
Tell my mum over tea, the press have started up
We've spent a fortune
'Cause with ghost buying it's the end for tune
We need to sell some records soon

It's the hardest way to make an easy living
The party stage is a bit nearer to delivery

It's the hardest way to make an easy living
The party stage is a bit nearer to delivery

Ah, what was the question
Oh yeah, momento mori
It means remember it's inevitable that we will all die
It sounds quite depressing when said so raw and direct
But it means don't hang yourself on a material life
But that gets dropped when I'm bop on shopping day
Am I shallow, am i hung up on such wrong ways
Yes I am shallow and loving every wrong play
If love is blind then why do we all buy lingerie
I've got nothing in my life away from the studio
So when I'm loose I end up consuming dough

Memento mori, memento mori
It's latin and it says we must all die
I tried it for a while but it's a load of boring shit
So I buy buy buy buy buy buy

If I start to think of life I have prangs of paranoia
Pull one stripey shirt off a racks or another
Overthink my fate grasping a pastel jumper
Panic buy a flight home, prang though actually sober
Change my mind and fly back into vegas
Buy more pastel shades and some famous labels
Frame the ferrari through the day with the mayhem
Just to forget about the race in my head
I don't really care about the luck and the look
But driving a ferrarri is fucking book

Memento mori, memento mori
It's latin and it says we must all die
I tried it for a while but it's a load of boring shit
So I buy buy buy buy buy buy

I think if I could see me now from my growing past
I'd Hate the shirted cunt that seems to be so fucking flash
I reckon from the threadsI think all I think's about cash
But my manager tells me I ought to think about cash
It's like people don't know the eighties started
My car just keeps carding with the card machine
You don't regard the old you, driving a ferrarri
Mine's the driving license through Nevada at speed
I never think about money
In fact I have no idea how much money I have

Memento mori, memento mori
It's latin and it says we must all die
I tried it for a while but it's a load of boring shit
So I buy buy buy buy buy buy

Chilly 'n carmen air sips as I'm parting her hair
But I'm an asbo drinker I want to be chilly parkair
But asbo drinkers just don't dig my art and my flair
Even if they dig my asbo driving, past their carlight flair
Sometimes when I my diamond trinkets with my whores
I know I've strayed a bit from my old sins and my walks
But then I laugh out loud that my car still fucking talks
I feel awful for a bit but at least I'm not poor

Using the following, I'm going to show you:

A) How to con someone using their own greed,
B) That you won't feel bad 'cos they're trying to con you anyway, and
C) TAKING THEIR MONEY!

As I have come to realise, running the beats is just getting people's confidence.

This scam only works 'cos that man thinks he's working this scam
And that you man off his mark
Get your mate, let's call your mate Piers
No, not Piers, let's call him Farquhar
Anyway get Farquhar to crawl into a bar with his dog
Like I said, the barman will try and con you later
but you're gonna take all his money.
Anyway, get Farquhar to pass into a local bar
And call to the bar to look after a dog for a dart
Just for 20 quid for a while, claiming that he hated it
But it was worth more than his car
This, by the way, requires that you find and supply Farquhar
With an animal, and a life, from your local park.
Get a nice dog that doesn't bark
But not so nice that someone might miss this mutt from the park

Anyway, using this technique you're gonna take all this man's money
But you're not gonna care, cos he's gonna fucking deserve it

[Chorus]
You'll never con an Honest John
An Honest John you can't drag down (Exactly!)
Con-do-lee get conned
When they think they're the cunning one (It's all one big con)
Neighbour you won't con
An Honest John

Now listen, get Farquhar to dart out the bar
And just shop for some garm's, maybe
Just to pass an hour or so
I would go shopping cos' I gave up drinking
But whatever, just have Farquhar down the road
Now you walk in the bar, walk up to the barman
Order a jar, when you've caught him slouched on his own
Start eyeing the dog that he's minding by his side
Currently vibe him and start on about the dog you own.
Start asking the barman, if it's his fine specimen of a dog
Nod, smile, agree, look interested and cool
When he tells you it's someone else's you've just left previous
Tell him, 'This is a very rare breed of animal.'
Last time I lied my manager swiped me
But lie, and tell him it's like a fucking Red-Eared Hunting Spaniel.
Tell him it's worth 600 quid and you would pay handsomely if you were to accept finance at all

[Chorus]
You'll never con an Honest John (Sometimes...)
An Honest John you can't drag down (...Sometimes I think I should just go completely...)
Condolee get conned
When they think they're the cunning one
Neighbour you won't con an Honest John (Keep listening though, it's important that you keep listening...)

Now take all his shopping off him
Get your mate Farquhar to pop in
Looking straight gutted a bit later on
He should order a jar, talk at the bar
Ensure he looks calm, warm with the barman
And generally start conversating on.
Farquhar should start falling apart
About how he's arsed up some chance
And how arsed up his day was.
Or in the event, the spread betting he's getting ready to accept
That his rent's not getting payed up.
The barmans mind will chime slowly for a while
He might wipe the bar, as his mind is making sums.
Farquhar should continue to moan about money
And that this mutt is not the greatest of his worries.
And like 'ching!', the barman will five out of six times
Kindly offer his greed to buy the dog for a price of 300 quid
And after some bartering, your barman will haggle and charge harder
In greed of the scent of the scheme in his head. (That's right, neighbour!)

You'll never con an Honest John
An Honest John you can't drag down
Condolee get conned
When they think they're the cunning one
(The barman, is gonna see how much he can stitch you up for.)
Neighbour you won't con an Honest John
(How does that work? Cos' everytime it's based around someone who thinks they're conning you.)

They'll never imagine the whole scenario is prepared solely for him
Why should he?
That sort of paranoia can get you in the loony bin!

As I have come to realise, running the beats is just getting people's confidence.
AND THAN TAKING THEIR MONEY!

It's all one big con.

Ahhh see... Right see the thing that's got it all fucked up now is camera-phones.
How the hell am I supposed to be able to do a line in front of complete strangers, when I know they've
all got cameras?

When you're a famous boy, it gets really easy to get girls,
it's all so easy you get a bit spoilt.
But, when you try to pull a girl, who is also famous too,
it feels just like when you wasn't famous.

The celebrity pages in papers don't tell tales that are always to the line of the truth.
It's 'til a line (of coke) at which most likely you'll have the time, or enough finance to sue.
Which is why it's so frightening buying papers in the morning fearing the next Mike Skinner scoop.
'Cos I used to believe what I read, so now I know that others will believe that it's true
But I realised, with you the truth could be, a whole lot worse than the flack.
My whole life I never thought I'd see, a pop star smoke crack.
And I must admit I was quite shocked, with that thing you did with me on my back.
But, outside in the lobby, I shouldn't have laughed when you slapped that man.

When you're a famous boy, it gets really easy to get girls,
it's all so easy you get a bit spoilt.
But, when you try to pull a girl, who is also famous too,
it feels just like when you wasn't famous.

You were so much fun, I really got to like you more than you liked me,
I really hoped that you'd stay.
Considering the amount of prang you'd done, you looked amazing on cd...uk.
You learn dances, do promo, cameras flashing, get in the van, zoom away (reeeoow).
I wake up high, (unknown) feel hung over and sorry for my doomed day.
But I know I got a bit close to you, and that you found it fucking boring.
You taught me so much about how to deal with the (?).
And what version of a rumour would be next day everyone's story of me.
You taught me all the realities and "turn the page & ignore 'em".

When you're a famous boy, it gets really easy to get girls,
it's all so easy you get a bit spoilt.
But, when you try to pull a girl, who is also famous too,
it feels just like when you wasn't famous.

Anyway, I had to rest my beer hat, delete my dealer's number and unroll my bank notes.
And we were on borrowed time anyway, what with the daily toilet papers not knowin'.
And I knew that when the people who thought they knew you, when they found out, I would've been mocked.
Which is ironic, 'cos in reality, standing next to you I look fucking soft.
Whenever I see you on MTV, I can't stop my big wide smile.
And past the "children's appeal", I see the darkness behind.
We both know the scratches on my back, much better than the alludes and lies.
I miss the bitchin' and shoutin', but I'm glad I got out in time.

When you're a famous boy, it gets really easy to get girls,
it's all so easy you get a bit spoilt.
But, when you try to pull a girl, who is also famous too,
it feels just like when you wasn't famous.

You can't keep fucking popstars, we've got a fucking business to run. There are industry repercussions,
Michael!... I know

The fine art of hotel expressionism
Pen a sentiment with the kettle and condiments
Compose your mood using the soap and your shoe
The minibar can be part of the art

In the early hours of a blurry hotel you need guests and venture forth
My word is word if we earn success in hotel expressionism
stay away from small boutique hotels so when wrecked there's no victim
I've been ejected from hotels that then when i'm checking in will swear to be with them (swearin')
Man, i'm not some crank vandal swinging the TV about at random
Attached to the lampstand for a handle is the art of action through crafted illusion
Tediously mischief from (?) is why we hide from enemy pages
Throwing the TV out the window mate is nothing clear of weak cliche
It's vandalism an expressionism is to be keenly disassociated
I'm talking incontrivertable structural damage human injury, real mayhem

The fine art of hotel expressionism
Pen a sentiment with the kettle and condiments
Compose your mood using the soap and your shoe
The minibar can be part of the art

Fill the iron with minibar brandy and blam see you have a brandy iron. The sweet boozy steam moves freely and is in no manner mindless fun.
Express yourself in anyway say anything you may and anyway that man lied to you.
"That's fuckin great, fuckin cunt, the fuckin damage isn't minor... fucker"
But louts harassin is fuckin drole spellin through the death of rock and roll
Rap and roll are separate to some acid trip cus rock and roll is fuckin old
The group of girls your zone in on have to be on their own there and pissed
But you have a problem with the man they're with he's a dealer but there's a rift
You need to get him fucked up on his own shit take his gear he disappears
Leave him there his hand in a bucket of water gaffer taped to a chair in a lift

The fine art of hotel expressionism
Pen a sentiment with the kettle and condiments
Compose your mood using the soap and your shoe
The minibar can be part of the art

I'll tell you straight
Expressionism is his own form of art
Because with normal art someone usually the artist they pour out their heart
But it's worth is decided by committie and has to obey the law and sharks
I tell expressionists walk out the lift mind checkin' out pay for their art
Real art should be nothing but that
shouldn't be about the money or fashion
I make these crap rap rhythms to pay the hotel bills that fund my passion

The fine art of hotel expressionism
Pen a sentiment with the kettle and condiments
Compose your mood using the soap and your shoe
The minibar can be part of the art

It's tedious the mischief from is why we hide from enemy pages
Throwing the TV out the window mate is nothing clear of weak cliche
It's vandalism an expressionismism is to be keenly disassociated
I'm talking incontovertable, structural damage, human injury... well mayhem basically