A Guide To Love, Loss & Desperation
Album - 28 dicembre 2007 - Debaser id 824515

I think the postman intercepts everything I try and send to you
Cos he's infatuated and he's the fulcrum between us too

She works in a dental practice 9 'till 5 how does she manage?
Considering her nights don't pass out 'till 3
So I guess that flossing is he last thing in her health routine

Oooh ooh oh oh ooh

And I don't mid that she gets hammered and goes home with other guys
There's no jealousy 'cos she's my little pipedream fantasy

I saw her slam back tequila's like Oliver Reed on an Irish stag do
And I�ll wait if you stay because foggy London town's not built for me or you
Don't leave miss pipedream cos I love you!

Oooh ooh oh oh ooh

And I don't mid that she gets hammered and goes home with other guys
There's no jealousy 'cos she's my little pipe dream fantasy

Oooh ooh oh oh ooh

She works downtown in an unmarked bar,
Flyin' round poles she always gave me the fright of my life
I didn't mean to get involved it was the alcohol
Mixed with and empty feeling inside
Its such a bad idea to fall in love with a 'lady of the night'

Why didn't God give her two left feet
Then she couldn't run away from me!

Months go by and I'm alone in bed
While she's greasing up for when the businessmen and lawyers arrive
I've got to wear a beard a suit and tie
To get past the door if I want to see my girl tonight
I go to all this effort just to see my fair Patricia going home with some other guy

Why didn't God give her two left feet
Then she couldn't run away from me!
Why didn't God give her two left feet
then she couldn't run away from me!

She thinks I'm sad and that's alright
But she doesn't hate me so there's my little alibi
I can't, I can't leave, I can't I can't I can't
She's my coked-up botox girl

Patricia, Patricia
Oh Patricia the Stripper you are my sunshine
Oh Patricia the stripper come on home tonight
Oh Patricia the Stripper you are my sunshine
So why can't you come home with me tonight?

This is my first wedding and I hope it is my last
Things would be fantastic if me and the bride didn't have a past
So I stand by the buffet and submerse myself in brie
I'm tactically positioned
Yeah because the bar is near and the champagne's for free

Oooh oooh ooh ooh

This is my first wedding and I hope it passes quick,
If I've got no feelings for her then why is my stomach feeling so sick?
As they dance to their soppy song I pray it isn't love
Because she's my heartless bitch that I just can't seem to get enough of

Oooh oooh ooh ooh

She's not that beautiful, she's not that beautiful!
She'll steal your mind first then your car
she's not that beautiful, she's not that beautiful!
Blame it on an evil twist of fate, that she created from the start

Just one more single malt then it's off to bed for me
My head is spinning round and my legs are break-dancing
I only meant to say farewell but I spilt more than my drink
I can't remember exactly what I said
but I remember being chased up the street!

Oooh oooh ooh ooh

She's not that beautiful, she's not that beautiful!
She'll steal your mind first then your car
She's not that beautiful, she's not that beautiful!
Blame it on an evil twist of fate, that she created from the start

She's not that beautiful, she's not that beautiful!

I've met someone that makes me feel seasick
Oh what a skill to have
Oh what a skill to have
So many skills that make her distinctive
But they're not mine to have
No they're not mine

Whenever she looks I read the nearest paper
No I don't care about the soaps
No I don't care about the soaps
Though I'm acting like I'm in an Eastenders episode

If this is a rom-com
Kill the director
If this is a rom-com
Kill the director please

Carrots help us see much better in the dark
Don't talk to girls; they'll break your heart
And this is my head and this is my spout
They work together; they can't figure anything out

So with the angst of a teenage band
Here's another song about a gender I'll never understand
Here's another song about a gender I'll never understand

If this is a rom-com
Kill the director
If this is a rom-com
Kill the director
If this is a rom-com
Kill the director please

This is no Bridget Jones
This is no Bridget Bridget
This is no Bridget Jones
This is no Bridget Bridget
This is no Bridget Jones
This is no Bridget Bridget
This is no Bridget Jones
This is no Bridget Bridget
This is no Bridget Jones
This is no Bridget Bridget
This is no Bridget Jones
This is no Bridget
Bridget Jones

I've just had the craziest week
Like a party bag of lies, booze and then deceit
And I don't know why I want to voice this out loud
It's therapeutic somehow

So I'm moving to New York

'Cos I've got problems with my sleep
And we're not the same and I will wear that on my sleeve
So I'm moving to New York
'Cos I've got issues with my sleep
Looks like Christmas came early
Christmas came early for me

I put one foot forward and ended up 30 yards back
Am I loosing touch or am I just completely off the track
And I don't know why I want to voice this out loud
It's therapeutic somehow

So I'm moving to New York
'Cos I've got problems with my sleep
And we're not the same and I will wear that on my sleeve
So I'm moving to New York
'Cos I've got issues with my sleep
Looks like Christmas came early
Christmas came early for me

I should have known you didn't have the time my dear
To let this twenty something bring you down with his list of fears
I'd like to think we had some good times though
It's just my inability to think outside the box I know!

She was signed, sealed and lost in the post,
Gone where all the letters we write to Santa go
(Go to Santa Go!)

I could see your interest wane my dear
She wanted Mary Poppins and I took her to King Lear
Yes we've had some spills shall I say
And I thought you were going to leave, but not that you'd evaporate


She was signed, sealed and lost in the post,
Gone where all the letters we write to Santa go
(Go to Santa Go!)

Please go to Santa go to Santa go go go.......

She was signed, sealed and lost in the post,
Gone where all the letters we write to Santa go
(Go to Santa Go!)

I'm back in Liverpool
And everything seems the same
But I worked something out last night
That changed this little boy's brain
A small piece of advice that took 22 years in the make
And I will break it for you now
Please learn from my mistakes
Please learn from my mistakes

Let's dance to joy division
And celebrate the irony
Everything is going wrong
But we're so happy

Let's dance to joy division
And raise our glass to the ceiling
'Cos this could all go so wrong
But we're just so happy
Yeah, we're so happy

So if you're ever feeling down
Grab your purse and take a taxi
To the darker side of town
That's where we'll be
And we will wait for you
And lead you through the dancefloor
Up to the dj booth
You know what to ask for
You know what to ask for

Go ask for joy division
And celebrate the irony
Everything is going wrong
But we're so happy

let's dance to joy divison
And raise your glass to the ceiling
'Cos this could all go so wrong
But we're so happy
Yeah, we're so happy.

Let the love tear us apart
I've found the cure for a broken heart
Let it tear us apart

Let the love tear us apart
I've found the cure for a broken heart
Let it tear us apart
(Let it tear us apart)

So let the love tear us apart
I've found the cure for a broken heart
Let it tear us apart
(Let it tear us apart)

So let the love tear us apart
I've found the cure for a broken heart
Let it tear us apart
Let it tear us apart
Let it tear us apart

Let's dance to joy division
And celebrate the irony
Everything is going wrong
But we're so happy

Let's dance to joy division
And raise our glass to the ceiling
Cos this could all go so wrong
But we're so happy
Yeah, we're so happy

So happy, yeah, we're so happy
So happy, yeah, we're so happy

It`s 8`o clock and I'm feeling fine I'm out on a date tonight in a candle light restaurant down by the river side
Everything's going alright I guess
She took down my number and home address
Everything was going perfectly until...

It backfired at the disco, she slapped me at the disco, I did something I'll never forget

It was a chat-up line built not to impress
More a sleazy remark on her whorish dress
My wires crossed like they've never done before
Well it's 3 o' clock and I'm feeling shite
I'm going home alone tonight
I made a move when it was well out of context

It backfired at the disco, she slapped me at the disco
I did something I'll never forget
It backfired at the disco, we were dancing at the disco
I made a move when it was well out of context

It backfired at the disco, we were dancing at the disco
It backfired at the disco, we were dancing at the disco
Yeah, it backfired at the disco, when she slapped me at the disco
It backfired at the disco, we were dancing at the disco